Ohhh, I do like to be beside the seaside….

Q: What the best way to annoy approximately 700 Scottish trade unionists, unemployed folk, students, anarchists, communists and leftist agitators?

A: Have the Scottish Conservative Party [TorySkum.Ltd.] annual party conference in Troon.

Q: What the best way to REALLY annoy approximately 700 marching trade unionists, unemployed folk, students, anarchists, communists and leftist agitators?

A: Have the Scottish Conservative party [TorySkum.Ltd.] annual party conference in Troon stand outside the conference hall in a fenced off area surrounded by cops waving their wallets and union jacks at said 700 marching trade unionists, unemployed folk, students, anarchists, communists and leftist agitators…

Tory party Conference 2012.

…Some members of A.A. started early with not enough sleep to catch the bus to Dundee where the very nice folks from the TUC has spared up some seats on their bus for us. We left Aberdeen in the fog and arrived in Dundee (in the fog) in good time to make the bus. We said a quick hello to Occupy Dundee, got lost and started to worry that we would miss the TUC bus, fortunately some nice people pointed us in the right direction and we made it in time for departure.

The sun had got glorious by the time we arrived in Troon; a fine day to be by the seaside and we bemoaned our lack of buckets, spades and Frisbees. We also lost power to our megaphone, which would mean sore throats by teatime for some. It looked like a decent enough turn out, the mood was good and jovial, the sun was shining and all was well. We avoided those pesky newspaper vendors we made our way to the nosiest section of the crowd who were a bunch of Students and young folk from Glasgow.

Cops leave the march half way through the march

The ninja like and subtle undercover cops were hanging around as per, blending in as best they can.

notice these guys are advanced level - no Cat Boots on!

all was normal! Although It does worry me that my tax money pays these guys wages and as the only thing that would make those bunch of undercover less obvious would be a massive floating Neon sign above their heads saying “Warning, Cops Below!” Is this seriously the best they can manage? Still, it felt like the beginnings of a fine day out and some fun times for all.

then the cops come back and get ice-cream.

then two more come back...for ice cream.

So, clearly we were not the only folk out for a day at the seaside. A joint Strathclyde / Edinburgh police operation was in place to ensure the safety of all 6 members of the Scottish Conservative Party [TorySkum.Ltd.] We reckon that it must have cost Scottish Conservative Party [TorySkum.Ltd] a good few quid for protection from the angry voters last Saturday. Loads and loads of plod on the street, riot squads in vans on both ends of the promenade, 6 horses with riders (who do not give folk shots along the beach, nor supply donkeys for the same purpose, we asked), 6 undercover, 2 FIT teams on boats just offshore, mountain bike cops, loads of top brass hanging around looking shifty and to make the party complete (because it’s never a proper protest without one) the only police helicopter in Scotland.

Floating FIT

We then headed down the promenade in the mobile kettle (which definitely wasn’t a kettle) to wonder past the Scottish Conservative Party [TorySkum.Ltd.] annual party conference hall. When we got there we were surprised to see them all outside the hall, fenced in, surrounded by police but… outside? When we got over the shock of that and the shock that none of them were screaming in pain and turning to dust we turned up the volume. Of course it didn’t help calm the mood when they stood there waving their wallets and union jacks at us, but as we are dignified in our indignation and  righteous anger all that happened was some youngsters set off a couple of emergency flares and shouted “Boo!” “Tory Skum!!” “Fuck off back to Eton!!!” and other relevant bòn mót’s.

The march got a little split at this point and we were hurried on by the police and stewards, so we caught up and finished our fine day out with some fine words by various speakers on the crime that is mass youth unemployment. The members of AA then settled down to harass the floating FIT teams and to enjoy a nice picnic in the sun.

We had just decided by consensus that we should retire up the beach and secure some frozen treats that we were met by a moving square of Glasgow’s finest with the noisy students from the protest in the middle of them. As we always like to ensure that someone watches the watchmen we decided to investigate.

Our resident legal expert The Mighty Dangermouse instantly enquired as to why the kids were kettled to whit he was informed it was not a kettle, merely a small pot but the youth were not free to leave as earlier some cheeky rapscallion had let off some sparklers which frightened one of the TorySkum[tm] conference attendees sick dog and they were to be detained and searched before they would be allowed to leave on the bus home just in case they had more fireworks on them which may upset more dogs, cats, parrots or any small furry mammals like Hamsters or Gerbils in the area.

When we asked what law they were using to detain the kids and then things started to get confusing (remember folks, most cops know about as much as us about the law – not much!) so we were quoted Common Law, the Firework Act of 2008, 2001, 2011, 1868, The Gunpowder Treason and Plot Law and the brand new justifying our MASSIVE police bill for Troon Law. Even the Top Plod gave us different answers as to why the kids were being held.

So, we followed the mobile “pot not kettle” along to the students bus, filmed the entire stop and search, took all the police numbers and shouted out various bits of advice after we noticed the cops taking liberties:
“Name and address only!”
“You don’t have to show them ID in a pat down search!”
“Remember to get a receipt!”
We also asked some more questions of the police:
“Why are you asking the non-white members of the group where they were born?”
“Why are you searching the non white members of the group more thoroughly than the white folks?”
* Please note we are implying that there is inherent, systematic and inbred racism within the Police Farce but bar the token female they were awfully WASP like!

We also noticed that the police seemed very keen to film us all but really did not like being filmed by us whilst in the dereliction of their duties; we got it all on film though. Just in case!

Anti FIT super go team!

So after about an hour in the sun without being given any water the whole pointless nasty event was over, no one got charged (so far) and all the youth got on the bus to go home. Of course, the police did search under 16’s without consent or having guardians present – so if I were on that bus and under 16 I would be putting in a complaint. Although it seemed weird to us we must give kudos to the folk who for some strange reason joined the “pot not kettle” and got searched when they didn’t have too. Solidarity in effect!

We finally secured some icy snacks, caught our bus and headed back up to Dundee with the good folks from the TUC.

All in all it was a grand day out, and we would recommend to every reader that next year you also attend the Scottish Conservative party [TorySkum.Ltd.] annual party conference. There are only 6 of them and they get really, really lonely.

So… as the nation awakes to the latest (yet not in anyway surprising) scandal to emerge from TroySkum UK [plc] we can only hope that one day there will be no more Scottish Conservative party [TorySkum.Ltd.] annual party conference’s held in Scotland. Because (like all fascists party’s need to be) they should never be allowed to gather, they should be opposed at their every turn, met on the street and in the halls with words and force so they have no room to peddle their message of hate and their filthy politics will be consigned to the large toxic waste incinerator off history. For Ever!

Chant of the day: There’s 2 Scottish Pandas and 1 Scottish Tory!
Mask of the day: Panda Masks!
Overkill of the day: The police farce operation!
Ice cream of the day: A Mr Whippy 99 and raspberry sauce (not suitable for vegans, sorry.)
Dick of the Day: the Scottish Conservative party [TorySkum.Ltd.] annual party conference member waving his Union Jack postcard at us.
Wharra twat!

Pics by Murp-a-Lurp and JtossPot.
Words by the Dirty Hoof.

With love, solidarity and respect to Dundee TUC for the warm welcome and transport.

See you on the streets!

No Pasaran!



This entry was posted in anarchism, Anti Cuts, Fascist, Gonzo, Protest, Satire, Student, Tory, Trade Union, TUC, Unemployment. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Ohhh, I do like to be beside the seaside….

  1. Richard says:

    How do you know they are cops? I studied the pictures and am not the sharpest tool in the box, but they just look like folk to me. :)

    • aberdeenanarchists says:

      the boots! and the fact that they walked away from the march half way through and joined the police lines…:D

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