The purpose of this questionnaire is to better understand how men feel about their lives. Since so many of our society’s ideas about who men are and who men should be (perhaps most explicit in “sex”) are so stereotyped, it is hard to know what men as individual human beings really feel.
It means so much to us that you will answer, and perhaps help us develop a more positive and caring way of related to one another.
The results will be published as an extended discussion of the replies, including many quotes, in the same format as The Hite Report on female sexuality. The replies are anonymous, so don’t sign your answers.
It is NOT necessary to answer every single question. Answer only those which interest you, because otherwise you may not have the time to finish. But please answer!
We are looking forward to hearing from you. Send answers to S.Hite, F.D.R. Station, Box 5282, New York, New York 10022, U.S.A. THANK YOU.
1. What is the earliest sexual experience you can remember? How old were you?
2. How old were you when you first masturbated? To orgasm? How did you learn –by yourself, from someone else, or from books or movies?
3. At what age did you first orgasm? First ejaculate? Did you orgasm before you were old enough to ejaculate? Did you get intense pleasurable feelings from touching yourself? Have wet dreams?
4. Were you told about sex by your parents? What did they tell you? What did your friends tell you? What did you first hear about menstruation?
5. What were your sexual feelings as you grew up? In childhood? In grade school? In high school?
6. Do you think childhood or teenage sexuality should be repressed? Why or why not? Why is it repressed?
7. How has your sex life changed over the years? Does age affect sex? Has your enjoyment of sex changed? Have your attitudes and activities changed?
8. How big a part do sports and exercise play in your overall feeling of physical well-being and pleasure? What sports and exercise do you like? Swimming? Football? Running? Other?
9. How big a part does activities like sunbathing, cuddling up in a bathrobe on the couch, sleeping next to someone’s warm body, petting your animals, etc.play in your overall bodily joy? What do you like especially?
10. How big a part does what we generally call “sex” (genital sex) play? Masturbation?
11. How big a part does talking to friends play in your overall feeling of well-being? Do you ever tell your friends how much you care about them?
12. Does home and/or family life play a part in your overall feeling of physical well-being? (This includes everyone, of course, not just those who are married.)
13. Do you enjoy touching and holding children? Do you enjoy snuggling with them? Wrestling? Giving them baths? Holding them? Rocking them? Feeding them?
14. Have you ever wished you could be a mother? How did you feel when you found out you couldn’t bear children? How did you found out? How do you feel about it?
15. What do you think of the role of being a father (whether or not you are a father)?
16. Do you enjoy physically caring for another human being, whether child or adult? How do you do it? Do you baby them? Is it fun? Were you prepared by your parents to nurture others?
17. Have you found the warmth and closeness in your life that you want? Where?
18. Would you like more time to yourself?
19. How do you feel about privacy in the bathroom? Do you close the door? Do you sometimes like for your partner to be in the bathroom with you during urination or defecation? Do you like to see your partner urinating, etc. ?
20. What is your age, and your background –occupation, education,upbringing, religion, and race, or anything else you consider important?
21. What do you look like? Do you consider yourself handsome, pretty plain, ugly –or no comment? (Please forgive these words!)
22. How would you define masculinity? Are you masculine? How masculine are you?
23. What is the difference between masculine and “macho”? How high or low would you rate yourself on the “macho” scale?
24. What qualities make a man a man? That is, what qualities do you admire in men? Are you proud of your masculinity?
25. What did your father tell you about how to be a man? What did he tell you about women?
26. How can a man distinguish himself today? What is heroic in our time?
27. What can men as a group be proud of today? Ashamed of?
28. What is your biggest worry or problem in general in your life?
29. Is success important? Are you successful? In what way?
30. Do you believe in being ruthless when you have to?
31. Do you often feel hurt or sad when you don’t show it? Do you force yourself to behave like a robot? Do you ever feel like a robot?
32. How would you feel if you were described as having something –anything- about your behaviour or views that was “like a woman’s”?
33. Were you ever called a “sissy”? Told to “be a man!”? What was the occasion? How did you feel?
34. Do you envy women’s freedom to be gentle or emotional, or to have a temper? Do you envy them the choice of having someone support them, or the seeming lack of pressure on them to make money?
35. Do you have any strong resentments against women, or against ways any women have hurt you?
36. Are there ways in which you feel guilty for how you have behaved toward women, or toward a woman in particular?
37. Do you look at pornography? What kind? Did your father read pornography when you were growing up? Where/when did you see your first “men’s magazine”?
38. What is your opinion of pornography you have seen? Do you feel it represents certain elemental truths about how men and women really are –both psychologically and sexually?
39. What do you think of the “sexual revolution”?
40. What do you think of women’s liberation? How has it affected your relationships?
41. What do males need from females? What do you get from women that you don’t get from men?
42. Do you have more male or female friends? Why?
43. Do you prefer sex with women, men, or either –or with yourself, or perhaps not at all?
44. Do you think sex is important, or is it overrated? Is it interesting or is too much made of it? What other things in life are more important?
45. Does sex have a spiritual significance for you?
46. Answer one of the following:
A. If you are married, how many years have you been married? Do you like being married? Why did you get married originally? What is the effect on sex?
Do you love your life? In what sense? Does she orgasm with you? From what stimulation? If you masturbate, does she know?
Do you believe in monogamy? Why or why not? Have you had/do you have “extramarital” sexual experiences? If so, how many and how long? Are you having one now? What was/is the effect on you as an individual and on your marriage? Did/does your partner know about them?
If you have children, why did you decide to have them? Did you want to be a father? How did you feel when your wife first told you you were having a baby? Do you love your children?
Do you feel you had to give up some things in order to be married and/or have children? Did being married/having children circumscribe your job and career opportunities? How would your life have been different?
B. If you are divorced, what are the reasons? How do you feel about it? Also, please answer any of the questions above which apply.
C. If you are homosexual, please answer any of the previous questions that may apply to you and also: How long have you had physical and emotional relationships with men? How do they compare with relationships with women, if you have had any? Emotionally and physically? Are you involved with more than one man? Do you want to, or do you, live permanently with one man?
D. If you are “single”, do you enjoy being single? What are the advantages of disadvantages? Do you plan to marry eventually? What is your sex life like?
E. If you are still living at home with parents or family, what rules are set up concerning your sexual and dating activities? Would you like more or less restrictions? Have your parents or relatives discussed sex realistically with you? Where have you gotten most of your knowledge of sex? From friends? Teachers? Books? Sex magazines? Family? Have you had problems getting accurate information on sex? If you have had a sexual relationship, do your parents know? If so, how did they react?
F. If you have not had sex with a partner, what do you imagine it will be like? Does it interest you, or does too much seem to be made of it? What physical activities have you enjoyed so far?
G. If you are living with someone, please answer any of the questions above which apply, and also how long have you been living with them? Would you rather be married? What are your plans for the future?
H. If you are currently uninterested in sex (except perhaps for masturbation), how do you like this way of life? How long do you plan to remain “celibate”? How long have you felt this way? Do you think this could be beneficial to other men? Do you find you relate more to nature or your pets or music when you are living alone?
47. Perhaps you do not feel that any of these categories describe your life. If so, please describe yourself in your own way.
48. Describe the time you fell the most deeply in love. How did it feel? What happened?
49. Did you ever cry yourself to sleep because of problems with someone you loved? Contemplate suicide? Why?
50. What was the happiest you ever were with someone? The closest? When were you the loneliest?
51. How do your friendships compare with your love relationships?
52. Do you feel you can truly love someone?
53. What are your deepest longings for a relationship with another person?
54. How important are orgasms to you? Can you enjoy sex without an orgasm? Can you enjoy sex if your partner does not have an orgasm?
55. Please describe what an orgasm feels like to you –during the buildup? Before orgasm? During the climax? After? Which moment feels best? How does the very best moment feel?
56. How often do you have sex without orgasm? Do you ever feel pressured to have orgasms? If so, when?
57. How does your body react when you are having an orgasm? Tighten up? Move a lot? Stop moving? Go out of control? What happens to your arms and legs? Your face?
58. Do you always ejaculate when you orgasm? How often do you orgasm or experience a sensation close to orgasm without ejaculating? Do you sometimes ejaculate without experiencing orgasm? How often? Or does orgasm mean ejaculation? Did you orgasm as a boy before you started ejaculating?
59. Do you like more than one orgasm during sex? Do you enjoy ejaculate each time? How do successive orgasms feel? Have you ever continued on to a second orgasm without losing your erection?
60. Is erection necessary for sexual arousal? Have you ever felt sexual without an erection? Did it bother you not to have an erection? What was your partner’s reaction?
61. Is it O.K. to have sex with a soft penis? Are you embarrassed to continue sex with a soft penis if you don’t have an erection?
62. Are you always aroused when you have an erection, or are there other causes of erection?
63. Do you like feeling aroused for extended periods of time, or do you prefer to go to orgasm relatively quickly? Could you describe what arousal feels like?
64. How often do you masturbate? How do you feel about it? Are you pleased? Ashamed? Satisfied? Are you secretive or open about it?
65. Do you enjoy masturbation? Physically? Emotionally? What do you find satisfying and unsatisfying about masturbation?
66. How do you masturbate? Please give a detailed description. For example, do you hold your penis with your hand and move your hand on your penis, or do you move your whole body –rubbing against something? Is stimulation important at the top or bottom of your penis? Do you mind the wetness of ejaculation? Is there any specific position you like to be in? Are these specific thoughts or fantasies you use?
67. Can you delay your orgasm during masturbation? Does this make it more or less exciting? What specific ways do you use to delay your orgasm?
68. Do you always want an orgasm when you masturbate? Do you ever stop short of orgasm when you masturbate to heighten your sexual feelings? Do you masturbate (but not to orgasm) to arouse yourself before sex? How often?
69. What is the importance of masturbation in your life?
VI. YOUR BODY AND YOUR FEELINGS
70. Do you like the way your genitals look, taste, and smell? Do you like the size and shape of your genitals? Your balls?
71. Are you circumcised? Do you like it, or wish you weren’t? Did you, or would you, have your son circumcised?
72. What were your feelings when you found out about circumcision? About your own circumcision? Were you shocked? Pleased? Do you have a physical reaction in your genitals when you think about it?
73. Do you remember anything about the procedure? How old were you?
74. Has circumcision affected your attitude about exposing your penis to others? How? Does having or not having a foreskin affect your sexual activities?
75. Why are men circumcised?
76. Does your partner like your genitals? Has a partner ever commented adversely about your genitals? How? How did you feel about this?
77. Do you like fellatio (oral stimulation of your penis)? Can you orgasm this way always, usually, sometimes, rarely, or never? How often do you orgasm this way? How do you like it to be done?
78. Do you like mouth-anal contact?
79. Do you like manual stimulation of your penis by your partner? Do you often orgasm this way? What other parts of your genital area do you like your partner to touch?
80. Do you enjoy masturbating with another person present? Do you like having your partner masturbate him/herself when with you?
81. Do you like (or would you like) to be rectally penetrated? By a finger? By a penis? How does it feel? Do you orgasm this way? Exactly what does anal intercourse feel like –both physically and emotionally?
82. Do you like “foreplay”? What kind of “foreplay” is important to you for yourself? How do you like to be touched, and where? Kissed? Petted? Are your breasts sensitive? Your buttocks? Your testicles? Your mouth? Your ears?
83. Do you get enough foreplay from your partner? Does your partner touch and fondle you enough?
84. Do you sometimes like making out without having “real sex”? Do you prefer it?
85. Who makes the initial sexual advance? How do you feel if the other person makes the advance? Have you ever wanted the other person to make the advance not gotten it? Do you feel unloved if your partner never makes the advance? Unwanted?
86. Have you ever approached someone about sex and been refused? How did you feel? Have you ever refused someone else? Why?
87. Are there certain times when you’re not interested in sex? Is it O.K. to be celibate? Do you experience periodic highs and lows in your sexual interest? How often?
VII. FEELINGS ABOUT MEN
88. Describe your best male friend. What do you like about spending time with him?
89. Do you belong to, or socialize with, a group of men? What do you enjoy/like about it? What do you do? What do you talk about?
90. Do you value your men friends? Is it important to have male friends –or relatives you are close to? What do you value about their friendship? What do they mean in your life?
91. Were you in the Army or branch of the military? Did you like the camaraderie? Did you have any close physical or sexual experiences with men during this time?
92. Do you like sports? Which kinds? Do you enjoy participating in sports with other men? Do you like the closeness with men in these activities?
93. Did you have a best friend in high school or college? What were your feelings for him?
94. Are you or were you close to your father? In what way? What was/is he like? What do you think of him?
95. Describe the man you are or were closest to in your life. In what ways are/were you close? Do/did you spend time together? Why is he valuable to you? Why do you like him?
95A. If you have not had a physical or sexual relationship with another man, would you enjoy one?
SEX WITH MEN
96. How old were you when you had your first gay experience?
97. What was the first time you ever had physical contact with a man? Your father? Your relative?
98. How is sex with men different from sex with women (if you have had sex with women, or based on what you think it would be like)?
99. What are your favorite things about sex with men? Why would you recommend homosexuality to other men? What are the advantages? Disadvantages?
100. Do you like anal intercourse? Exactly what does it feel like –both physically and emotionally? Do you orgasm this way?
101. Do you like giving a man fellatio? Do you swallow the seminal fluid? Do you like it?
102. Can you orgasm from just lying down together and kissing and rubbing crotches together?
103. Are you in love? In a steady relationship? How many men in your life have you had a sexual relationship with? Do you like monogamy?
104. Is gay “promiscuity” a myth or a reality? Do you prefer emotional closeness or casual sex or both?
105. Would you ever fall in love with a woman (again)? Why or why not?
106. Do people at work know you are gay? Do your parents?
107. Would you take an open stand on gay issues? Are you working for gay liberation? Or do you prefer the adventure of being gay in a straight world, the pleasure of belonging to a secret, elite society?
VIII. FEELINGS ABOUT WOMEN
108. Do you have any women close friends? A sister you are close to?
109. Are you or were you close to your mother? In what way? What was she like? What do you think of her?
110. What things about women in general do you admire? Dislike? What do women contribute to society?
111. What do you think about women’s liberation?
112. Are you currently in a relationship with a woman? What is she like? Why do you like her?
SEX WITH WOMEN
113. Has any woman discussed sex and sexual feelings seriously and openly with you? Did you ask?
114. When did you first learn about the clitoris? What did you hear from other men? From women? From books?
115. Do you like giving clitoral stimulation? Why or why not? When did you first do it? To orgasm? How did it feel? Do you feel comfortable now giving clitoral stimulation?
116. What kind of clitoral stimulation do you give? Please describe how you do it. Describe how you stimulate the clitoris with your hand or finger. Do you do this to orgasm?
117. Does your partner masturbate to orgasm? How does she do it? If you don’t know, would you like her share that information with you?
118. When did you first hear/realize that most women don’t orgasm from intercourse (coitus) alone? What was your original reaction?
119. Do you enjoy cunnilingus with a woman? What do you most like and dislike about it? Does it depend on your feelings for your partner?
120. Do you get sexually excited by stimulating your partner? Do you enjoy her orgasm? Physically? Emotionally? What aspects of touching, feeling, and kissing your partner(s) do you enjot most? Least?
121. How do you give the woman an orgasm? Do you prefer the woman to orgasm from coitus?
122. Do you like intercourse (penis/vagina)? Physically? Emotionally? How often do you have intercourse?
123. What position is most satisfying for you? Is this position all right with your partner? What position does she like? Do you like this position?
124. Why do you like intercourse?
125. Do you ever experience physical discomfort during intercourse? Afterwards? Do you experience boredom during intercourse?
126. After sex has begun, do you assume intercourse is expected next? Do you assume that every time you have sex, it will include intercourse?
127. Would you be willing to replace intercourse with other activities during some sexual encounters? How often? Or do you always want to define sex as intercourse?
128. Does your partner orgasm during sex with you always, usually, sometimes, rarely, or never? During intercourse? During other activities? Which ones?
129. Can you always tell if your partner has an orgasm? How can you tell? Are you ever in doubt? If in doubt, do you ask? If you ask and she says “yes”, do you believe her? Do you talk about it?
130. Would you prefer to have sex with a woman who has orgasm from intercourse (coitus) rather than from clitoral stimulation? When does/do the woman/women you have sex with usually orgasm?
131. How do you feel if a woman stimulates herself to orgasm with you? During intercourse? How do you feel if she uses a vibrator?
132. Do you feel there is something wrong with your “performance”, technique, or sensitivity if the woman does not orgasm from intercourse itself? That you’re “not man enough,” or at least that you did not do it right?
133. Does it matter to you if a woman orgasms during sex with you? Do you try to find out what stimulation an individual woman needs to have an orgasm?
134. Who usually orgasms first? You or the woman? During which activity? Do you orgasm when you want to? If not, why?
135. Has a woman ever expressed anxiety or been apologetic to you about how long she takes to orgasm or become ready for intercourse?
136. How do you feel if your partner does not have an orgasm at all, in any way?
137. Can you control when you come to a climax? How long can you hold off without losing your erection? Does it disturb you to lose your erection?
138. Are you embarrassed to have sex with a soft penis (i.e., if you don’t get an erection)? Do you stop physical closeness and other activities if you can’t have intercourse?
139. Do you ever ejaculate or orgasm “too soon” during intercourse? How long are you talking about? Is this ejaculation/orgasm satisfying to you? When does this happen? Why? Does it bother you?
140. Do you use any particular method to have intercourse longer without orgasming? Does prolonged thrusting dull the sensitivity or feeling of your penis?
141. When should a man ejaculate? Should the woman be consulted? Who decides when sex is over?
142. Do you control which activities sex consists of? Do you control when you come and how you have an orgasm?
143. Do you sometimes have difficulty having an erection at a time you desire one? When? Why? How often does it happen? What do you do at such times?
144. Do you talk to other men about sex? What do you talk about? Do you or other men tend to brag or exaggerate your exploits with women? Do you share practical information (how-to)? Feelings of insecurity?
145. What are the reasons why many women traditionally have not wanted sex as much as men? What kind of sex do women want most?
X. BIRTH CONTROL
146. What contraceptive methods (birth control) do you use? Who decides what contraception will be used? Which kind do you prefer?
147. Are you aware of the possible side effects of the birth control pill?
148. Have you ever experienced physical discomfort from ant form of control? Condom? The diaphragm? IUD? Foam? Have you ever used a condom to delay orgasm?
149. Do you feel responsible for discussing birth control before intercourse? If you are having a sexual relationship with a woman, do you protect her from becoming pregnant? Who is responsible if she does become pregnant? Do you ask a woman if she has taken measures to prevent conception before intercourse?
150. Do you fear impregnating someone? Does the possibility of pregnancy cause you problems in a sexual relationship?
151. Have you ever been a party to an unwanted pregnancy? What did you do about it?
152. Are you in favor of abortion? Have you ever impregnated a woman who subsequently had an abortion? Have you ever been involved in helping a woman secure an abortion? Did you share the expenses? Go with her? What was the outcome?
153. Do you have a vasectomy? (Do you have children?) How has having a vasectomy affected your sexual activities? What do your partners think about it? Have you ever wished to have it reversed? Would you recommend it to other men?
154. Do you know what vasectomy involves? Would you be willing to get one, and under what circumstances?
155. Have you ever witnessed childbirth?
156. Are you interested in violent sex? Has violence been part of a sexual relationship you had? What kind? How did you feel about it?
157. Have you ever been excited by a physical struggle or combat, or a fight –with a man or woman? Please describe.
158. Have you ever deliberately struck or hurt your lover? Why? What effect did it have on the relationship? Did you feel good when you did it?
159. Are you interested in bondage? Spanking? Why or why not? How does it feel?
160. Is it fun to force someone to your will?
161. Do you find kissing feet sexual? Golden showers?
162. Would you or have you had a sexual relationship with a very young person? How did you feel about it?
163. How do you define rape? Is it disturbing to you? How? How not? Where do you draw the line between consent and rape?
164. Have you ever raped a woman? If not, have you ever wanted to rape a woman? Why?
165. Have you ever pressured a woman to have sex with you, when she didn’t seem to want to? How did you do it? Did you have a line? Did it succeed? Did you enjoy sex?
166. Is being forceful with your partner fun for you in sex? Do you usually control your partner during sexual activities? How do you develop the sexual relationship in the direction you desire? Is it easy to remain in charge of the situation?
167. If there is a power relationship involved in sex, who has the power –you or your partner?
168. Is sex political?
THANK YOU FOR ANSWERING THIS QUESTIONNAIRE!
1. Why did you answer this questionnaire?
2. Did you read The Hite Report?
3. Do you think other men will be as honest as you were in answering this questionnaire? How honest were you?
4. Please add anything you would like to say that was not mentioned.
5. Are you happy with your life, or do you want to change it?
The Hite Report on Male Sexuality; Shere Hite; Alfred A.Knopf, New York, 1981 ; 1129 pages
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