Dear bitch ass cockgobbling motherfucking spammers,
Do you know who I am?
First of all, let us study the worst villains in history:
1. Mao Zedong
2. Genghis Khan
3. Joseph Stalin
4. Chiang Kai-Shek
5. Adolf Hitler
6. King Leopold II
7. Saddam Hussein
8. Hidoki Tojo
9. Ismail Enver Pasha
10. Pol Pot
11. Kim Il Sung
12. Idi Amin
13. Benito Mussolini
14. Mengistu Haile Mariam
15. Yakubu Gowon
Okay! 15! We’ve got 15 names here. And I don’t recognize half of these guys.
Now, dear spammers, do you know the difference between these 15 worst villains, and me?
None of these 15 men received spam email!
I, on the other hand, have received emails from some Jennifer Jones who works at emailmarketing-usa.com, Judith Patterson who works at datamarketingtips.com and Ema Jade from globalindustrydata.com.
So, Jennifer Jones, Judith Patterson, and Ema Jade, I have an assignment for you. Did you like homework when you were in school? I’m pretty sure you were too busy sucking dicks behind the classroom doors to finish your homework. And where has that gotten you? A spammers job at some irrelevant bullshit company that nobody’s ever heard of! Now you spend all day sitting at your desk copying email templates and sending them to strangers who don’t give a fuck about your proposition.
Why are you sending these emails to me though? Are you trying to meet your daily quota of spam mail sent? Are your spam company bosses breathing too hard down your neck? Why don’t you suck their cocks and tell them to close down business? This spamming business is no good. It only pisses people off. Do you want to piss people off?
How do you live with yourselves? Jennifer, Judith and Ema with one M – did you forget to type the other M? Or were your parents retarded? Perhaps Ema’s parents also skipped school. So they named her Ema and she now works at a spamming company.
Do you love your job? How many career choices did you pass up before settling for this one? B2B Accounts Manager, Marketing Manager, Marketing and Operations Manager – fancy titles, huh?
So what do you do?
“Oh, I’m a Marketing and Operations Manager!”
Oh, really? Wow! Sounds great! So, what do you do?
“I send spam emails to isvarahparamahkrsnah to meet my daily email quota. I wish I had his phone number too so I could bug him all day.”
I’m surprised they aren’t Indians sending me the spam.
OR ARE THEY?
That would explain the Ema with one M.
Alright, the secret’s out! Which one of you bitches is actually an Indian guy?
Sale bhosadike tumhara lund kaat ke tumhare muuh me thhus dunga.
This career of sending spam emails is worse than prostituting yourselves for 5 dollahs.
So I suggest each of you open up an Onlyfans account and show the world those titties.
You’ll get more than 5 bucks for a tit pic. Hell, some women are charging 100 bucks for some cleavage and other bullshit! You can do better than that! I believe in you.
Back to the homework: I want you ladies (and gentlemen) to do a DuckDuckGo search on the 15 villains I listed above. I want you to download all the history books you can find, and read all the news articles too.
When you’re done, I want you to understand that if you piss me off, I can be way, waaay worse than all of these villains combined.
You know what pisses me off? Spam mail.
Someone once said, dying is the easy part; living is the hardest.
Jennifer Jones, Judith Patterson, and Ema Jade, do you know what I’m good at? Staying alive. As a firm believer in Jesus Christ, I do not kill. Killing is easy.
I’m an expert at keeping people alive, and making them hate every second of it.
Here’s one idea: Giving you a computer that only runs one application – mail. And, all outbound emails are blocked. Only inbound emails are allowed.
Now you sit in a box. A big dark box, with this monitor that is the only light source in the box. And you receive spam emails that ping you all day long. The box will be surrounded by large speakers connected to this computer. The monitor will have no power button and it will be reenforced with strong glass. You will only have a wireless mouse to check the emails. The CPU and keyboard will be outside the box.
Now you will sit in this box and read spam emails all day long. The pings will never stop. The box will not be big enough for you to lay down for a nap. It will be cramped and uncomfortable. You will not get any pillows for a backrest or nothing.
You only get bathroom breaks and meal breaks.
6 hours of sleep outside the box in a very comfy bed. Then back into the box you go.
How does that sound?
This torture is only applicable to the ladies.
Now if you’re a guy, I’ve got some bad news for you.
A male spammer will be ordered to sit butt-naked on a bottomless chair. And then I will take a golf club, and pretend I’m Tiger Woods.
I am following up with my previous email to see if you would be interested in the data acquisition of JetBrains Users for your upcoming marketing campaigns.
This data would assist your sales and marketing teams to generate more opportunities and close deals faster.
Please let me know if you would like to review counts, samples, and pricing.
Marketing and Operations Manager
I wanted to know if your organization is planning to acquire JetBrains Users for your Multi-channel Interaction, Voice Interaction, Outbound Contact, and Business Intelligence purposes.
We are a Global technographic data provider helping companies uncover the active buyers in the right target markets.
We can provide you the customized data of JetBrains Users, based on your specifications like titles, departments, employee size, revenue size, industries, geography, etc.
With our comprehensive technographic intelligence you can reach out to your target audience and provide solutions with your products/services with better responsive results.
Let me know if you would like to review a sample file, counts, and pricing structure.
Marketing and Operations Manager
7536 Constitution Ave., Eden Prairie, MN 55347
I am checking in to see if you would be interested in the customer base of Fastly CDN.
The customer base has direct dials to decision-makers, all C-level Titles, Head of Marketing, etc.
We also track users of other CDN software users such as Cloudflare CDN, Azure CDN, Amazon Cloudfront, Limelight CDN, Rackspace CDN, Akamai, EdgeCast CDN, etc.
Let me know if you are interested so that we can discuss the pricing details, sample file, and the total number of counts we have.
Data Marketing Tips, Inc.
7893 Wilson Road Waltham, MA 02453, Waltham, MA 02453
Are you planning to send Drip/Lead Nurturing campaigns to Cloudflare CDN accounts/installed-base?
Recently verified Cloudflare Users across the USA and the Globe that we have compiled can be used through different channels such as Email, Tele-calling, Google Ads, LinkedIn Marketing, and more.
Let me know if you would like to review a sample file along with counts and pricing.
B2B Accounts Manager
Global Industry Data, Inc.
7536 Constitution Ave. Eden Prairie, MN 55347, Eden Prairie, MN 55347
Why are all the spammers located in Minnesota?
Why is Jennifer Jones, the Marketing and Operations Manager of the entire United States?
Why are Jennifer Jones’ and Ema Jade’s offices located at the same address?
Here’s another idea:
Instead of spam emails, the monitor in the box will play porn all day long. And our lovely Jennifer Jones, Judith Patterson, and Ema Jade here, will be shackled in chains. No fapping!
When it comes to destructive creativity and innovation, you’re looking at the king of kings.
The next spam email in my inbox will receive a detailed reply describing my other ideas.
If you’re a spammer who wants to know how I’m going to sell your mother as a sex slave in Kuwait, please, send me your business proposition.
Additionally, if you’re located in Minnesota, please include your tit pics in the email.
The only marketing campaigns I’m interested in are your tits.
The only sample files I’d like to review are your mother’s tits.
Are we clear on that?
Now, I will discuss the spammers on my blog.
Today I noticed there were 98 spam comments on my articles!
Now 96 of these comments were posted on two of my articles: The one on Youtube & Susan Wojcicki, and the one on the Twitter ban in Nigeria.
40 spam comments were made on the Twitter article and 56 comments were made on the YouTube article.
All of these comments were marked as Honeypots.
Now these are the spammers that would force me to disobey Jesus.
These are the spammers who would receive a double tap, followed by a single tap.
These are the spammers that would make me outdo the 15 villains listed earlier. If you thought you’d seen all the violence in the world, bring me one of these spammers, and I’ll prove you wrong.
Why do I get the feeling that Jack Dorsey and Susan Wojcicki employed some dumbass to spam daily honeypot links on the articles that had mentioned them?
You guys do realize that I make absolutely no SEO efforts on my sites, right? SEO for my pages is so easy, it would take like an hour to shoot me straight to the top. And I know how to get it done.
Is this how Twitter and YouTube tame their opponents? Do they employ spammers to post honeypot links on every article that smacks ’em with facts right in the face?
Perhaps I’ll write a fictional story about the day I went balls deep in Susan Wojcicki, how about that? And maybe I’ll write another story about my golf club looking for shelter in Jack Dorsey’s asshole.
I just want to put it out there that I hope that the idiots posting honeypot links on my articles get infected with Covid-19 and die a painful horribly slow death. And when they die, I will celebrate. Perhaps I’ll give Susan Wojcicki an extra pounding for the joyous occasion, how about that?