I’ve had a stalker for a while now. Maybe 9 months? More or less.
And this stalker is a woman; a married woman.
I met her on an IRC channel, and we became friends.
But this IRC channel had a lot of assholes in it. A bunch of people didn’t like me. Some would try to shut me up, others were openly rude to me, and the others ignored me, as if I didn’t exist.
So I left and went on to create my own IRC channel, and I invited her in it, along with a bunch of other people.
Unlike the IRC channel I’d left, I decided that my IRC channel would be cool. There weren’t too many rules in it.
At the peak of it’s success, I remember most of us acted like a bunch of childish jackasses on it. We fought, we threw around insults, spammed dozens of lines, cracked hilarious jokes, and it was total mayhem.
I like chaos, okay? I’m a product of chaos.
And my channel was cool because it didn’t have many rules. Even when we kicked out people who went too far, everyone would always rejoin. You know why? Because we were super cool! I was cool.
Anyway, at some point – I think it was in the early days, some guy made fun of another guy’s penis. He cracked a bunch of penis jokes in Spanish.
And this female friend here, got offended and left in a huff.
I wasn’t there at the time. I think I had just gotten my DJ credentials at the time, and was figuring stuff out.
When I came back, I found she’d left, so I messaged her. She told me why she’d left and she said she’d only come back if the guy who’d made the penis jokes apologized. If he didn’t, then I’d have to kick him out or ban him.
I talked to the guy. He didn’t seem so inclined to apologize. He wasn’t very talkative on one-on-one conversations. I figured maybe he found it too intimidating or whatever. Anyway, I didn’t take any action on him.
Why? Because he was my friend. It’s that plain and simple.
Long story short, I was given a choice. I made my choice. She never returned.
BUT, she bore a grudge towards me. A long, festering grudge, and she’d decided to make it her mission to make life difficult for me on IRC from then onwards.
Was I wrong? YES! YES I WAS WRONG.
I made a mistake. I fucked up.
And no amount of apologies could ever fix that simple mistake. In fact, it became a huge deal. Rumors were born from it, and spread like wildfire. I was a terrible admin. I was a bad guy. I was a horrible horrible human being. And everybody should stay away from me!
It’s been what? Like 9 months? And that shit keeps been brought back up. Anytime there’s some discussion about me, this woman, coincidentally pops out of nowhere, and throws in her 2 cents about what she thinks of me.
Does she think I don’t see what she’s doing? Trying to influence other people’s perception of me? Trying to influence their judgement call? Trying to paint me as a villain? As a monster? As a fucking barbarian?
She’s built an army of my haters. She’s got so many supporters. She’s filled their hearts and minds with utter disgust and contempt for me. Why doesn’t she just hire a hitman to take me out? Go on! Fucking kill me so your mind can finally rest in peace! Do it! Do you need my address? Huh?
I make one mistake and that shit follows me around for months on end. I go online, and I notice her people coming in, and making their presence felt. What now? Am I supposed to be intimidated? Huh? Should I shut my fucking mouth, and leave the room every time you pop in?
I get the message. I ain’t that dumb. I may be a little mentally challenged. But I ain’t no full-blown retard.
The message is clear: “We’re here, we’re watching your every move. And if you slip once, your ass belongs to us!”
I understand these subtle mind games. I’m not that stupid.
Now, there’s an army of people that don’t like me. They don’t know shit about me. They just don’t like me. They heard rumors, they saw some stuff, and they made up their minds – they hate me.
I’m a very open guy, do you understand that? I speak my mind. I say what I think. And I am quite proficient in the use of profanity. I have mastered the language of saying things that eeeverybody’s thinking, but nobody’s got the guts to speak it out loud. Everybody’s living in fear. People are afraid of discussing anything that goes deeper than small talk. “Oh no! If I talk about this, then what will others think of me? They will put false labels on me! Oh my God!”
This is how you get a world full of shallow people. They don’t wanna talk politics, they don’t wanna talk current events, they don’t wanna raise questions, they don’t wanna debate about anything! Because why bother, right? Why put yourself in jeopardy by having conflicting opinions, when you can just talk about the weather and make TikTok videos?
I’m not the first guy that’s been ganged up on by these kind of people.
But I’m going to be the last guy – the last person on planet earth, that gets stalked and harassed by them.
I’ve always said, if you don’t like someone, fucking ignore them. Move away from them. Just stay far from them. It’s that simple. No problems. No arguments. No fights.
But my stalker doesn’t want to do that. She wants to stick around, let her presence be felt, talk shit about me, and make me feel shitty and depressed every chance she can get. That’s her goal in life. People have big ambitions in life and they work hard to pursue their dreams. Well, this is her ambitious dream. She wants to be the reminder that I’m a fucking asshole to the whole fucking world! She wants to grab a mic and broadcast it into space, so even the aliens can foster their hatred and torment me when they land on earth.
And all this for what? One mistake? Not banning a guy who made dick jokes? Don’t you think it’s a little extreme?
Don’t you think it’s a borderline psychopathic to dwell on a single mistake to try and ruin somebody’s reputation?
Don’t you think it’s a little sad and pathetic, that you’re dwelling on a small mistake from the past, to try and fuck things up for somebody, every chance you get?
Like I said, I’ve got permanent residence in this woman’s mind. Permanent residence. She keeps thinking about that one event, and she’s festering hatred for me over it.
And now that she’s made it abundantly clear, that she’s never going to stop, or let it go, well, I’ve been feeling a lot suicidal myself lately. So why don’t we go on an all-out war, no holds-barred, and let’s see if we can finally kill isvarahparamahkrsnah, huh? What do you say? Are you up for it? ‘Cause I am.
I woke up this morning thinking, that I am actually tired of life. I ain’t got much to lose, ’cause I lost a lot of the things I valued the most a long time ago. Now seeing that life is shitty, and you’re hell-bent on making it shittier, why don’t you just take a fucking gun, and pop one in my forehead? Please!