Sunday Drive Gone Horribly Awry

Now listen up good again, this is some more really good stuff coming up here in a minute.

Point both your ears this way, please, and listen, as I say: GET OUT OF THE VAN.

Hurry. We don’t know where its going. We don’t trust the people driving; we don’t see why they have to change drivers every 10 seconds. It seems it can hardly stay on the road, and yet we’re driving past the same things over and over! And the air, the ride, it’s making us nauseous. It’s too warm, and we can’t roll the windows down to breathe. Drowsy-burning semi-paralysis, that’s what’s rocking in this van. And the way everyone’s heads bob in unison as we go over bumps! Of course we could get out whenever we want though.

Shh, listen–isn’t that what the hum of the tires is saying? “Just a little farther, you can get out whenever you want, just a little farther, we’ll stop soon…”

I am here to tell you that no one else is going to say “Far enough.” Except me. “Far enough.” Now YOU say it. Get out of the van.


I’d be waiting, right there on the shoulder of the road where you jump out, if I knew where you were. I’d have balloons for you, and maybe a few of your family and friends. But I don’t know where you are; I don’t know your family and friends. I don’t even know you, or you me. And anyway, don’t you want to be alone right now? Wouldn’t you like to listen to nothing but silence, feel nothing but air on your skin, right now?

So I promise no party. You can make yourself some pancakes or something. Recover a little. Or recover a lot.

Hey, did someone just say ‘whatever’? ‘Whatever’ to air on your skin, ‘whatever’ to nothing but silence, ‘whatever’ to pancakes?

That’s because they are still in the van! Do you need me to shriek it? GET OUT OF THE VAN! I’m shrieking. I am screaming HURRY! NOW! and MOVE! and Before we all die! This van is going up in flames! I can scream that too. Do you need me to tug at your arms and legs hysterically? Would it help if I tried acting, and crying? I won’t leave you here, I am pleading. If you stay, I’m staying too. Please. I am saying that. Just like in the movies.

Can you lure yourself out of the van? With the promise of pancakes maybe?

You don’t need any pancakes! You don’t need anything. Just stand up, stand up, stand up and get out.

(If it’s hard, check back. I’ll post some things to help you.)