Where are the dumb?

where are the dumb

This world demands a lot of us, intellectually. We are totally up to the task, but boy can it be stressful. Thank God the number one tool of mass marketing is to make us feel stupid. I get tired of feeling smart enough to be responsible for things. LEAVE ME ALONE I’M SELECTING BBQ SAUCE BECAUSE I AM INADEQUATE.

Of course then other times I feel too dumb. There’s an easy fix for that too though. I just tun on the TV and look down at dumb people. Whoever it is who buys Snugglies, or the masses in pickup trucks buying diapers and beer at the Wal-mart. THOSE FOOLS. I WOULD NEVER DO SOME OF THESE THINGS.

One day I was feeling neither too smart nor too dumb, but in danger of getting bored, so I went searching for the dumb. Have you found any? WHERE ARE THEY? Because I couldn’t. I went to Wal-mart, and what I found instead were some perfectly intelligent people who needed diapers and beer and . . .jam from France. And some other people who needed diapers, beer, and . . .Pier One knock-off bamboo candle holders and two pounds of string cheese.

And they drive pick-up trucks so they can carry lawn mowers around more easily. MAKES SENSE.

Now I’m starting to think maybe the dumb don’t exist. Because every single individual I met on my search was easily capable of picking up calculus over a weekend, given a good teacher and a solid knowledge of Algebra 2. EVERY SINGLE ONE. DO NOT DOUBT ME. They just don’t have the time right now*.

How can there be such a huge set with no members? Who are the dumb? AND WHERE?

Are they hiding somewhere? Composing clever anomolous news stories about mothers who brush their children’s’ teeth with bleach and publishing hard copies of the Darwin Awards, trying to make some room for themselves? Sneaking out every few years to vote Republican? THAT’S DEPRESSING.

Because even though they don’t exist (YOU GO LOOK FOR THEM, IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME. YOU WON’T FIND THEM EITHER.) do they ever lower the debate!

I’M SERIOUS, GO FIND A STUPID PERSON AND BRING THEM TO ME. YOU CAN’T, CAN YOU! MUHAHAHAHAHA. CALCULUS FOR ALL.

Donald Trump reads to children

“So the point of inflection is that the trend of the change is changing?” “Yes, emphatically!”

 

*See Barbara Ehrenreich’s “Nickel and Dimed.”

What I also didn’t find were any books. Wal-mart does’t sell books. It just pretends to. There’s actually no place to buy books within 50 miles of my home.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.