Dear Pastor Joe,
I was so sorry to hear about your stroke. I feel like I should say what a terrible thing, but instead I’ll say Thank God because this must be part of His mysterious plan for victory.
I wanted to write to tell you that this morning I might have thought some bad thoughts about you for a few seconds. I was thinking about how old you are, trying to guess, instead of thinking about your leadership for my life. So I guess I gave you a stroke all over again. I do that all the time. Yesterday I stopped thinking about you for a few minutes, so that’s giving you a stroke all over again too. Day before that, I told a lie by accident. You must have felt like all the oxygen was leaving your brain all over again! Did anyone call 911?
I’m working on it though. I’m trying really hard to reach a point where I don’t regularly re-give you a stroke all over again several times a day just living my regular life, working, hanging out with my family, volunteering and stuff. I mean, getting to that point is what I am supposed to be working on, right? I only ask because I haven’t met anyone, even at church, who has managed to get there, I mean, who doesn’t re-give you a stroke all the time. Do you know anyone? Or is it, like, an unattainable goal?
Because if it’s an unattainable goal, that’s really rough for you. Man. This is a deep business.
Anyway, love you, rock on. You’re awesome.
Alex
Dear Alex,
Thank you for your letter. Glad to hear you were at church. About the re-giving me a stroke thing, it’s just a metaphor. Wish I could write more, but I found out I can physically write only 1000 lines of text a day, and I have 500 parishioners, so everyone gets 2.
Love in Christ,
Pastor Joe
Dear Pastor Joe,
Your letter was great! What is ‘re-giving you a stroke’ a metaphor for though?
I don’t have any parishioners, so I have all the time in the world to write about how much I hope you are feeling better, and wish you a speedy and comfortable recovery, and tell you how much everyone loves and misses you.
I hope you are feeling better A LOT. I wish you a speedy and comfortable recovery A HUGE AMOUNT. Everyone just loves and misses you A TON.
Seriously, what is ‘re-giving you a stroke’ a metaphor for? Where did it come from?
Love you, rock on. You are awesome and changed my life.
Alex
Dear Alex,
It’s a metaphor for God not liking it when we do bad things. I also didn’t like having a stroke.
I heard it something like it somewhere. We pastors have a hard job trying to help people not do bad things, and metaphors like “re-crucifying Christ” are like bazookas in that fight, so they catch on.
Love in Christ,
Pastor Joe
Dear Pastor Joe,
So I DON’T actually re-give you a stroke or re-crucify Christ if I do something bad? Want to double-check this. Seems important.
Alex
Dear Alex,
That’s right. Your bad thoughts don’t hurt anyone but you, unless you act on them. And they definitely don’t hurt God, or his son Jesus, also God. Nothing you do can hurt God.
Love in Christ,
Pastor Joe
Dear Pastor Joe,
Thank you! I am SO RELIEVED. It was a lot of responsibility, feeling like I had the power to give you a stroke. It was really stressing me out.
And strokes are really disgustingly painful, right? Like, I can’t even imagine how much, yet I felt like I had that power–and kept using it by accident. Blecch!
Maybe you’ll get better even faster now that I’m not re-giving you them anymore.
(That was a joke.)
Love,
Alex
Dear Alex,
No problem. In retrospect, it isn’t the best metaphor. I don’t think I’ll use it anymore. We can just say, if you want to do what God wants, ask Him to help you to not do bad things, and He will. Make sense?
Love in Christ,
Pastor Joe
Dear Pastor Joe,
Makes sense. Happy Easter.
Love,
Alex