Whores for Hire

Hi, welcome to your appointment with Whores for Hire. We accept cash, Venmo or credit card.

Thanks. I just sent the Venmo.

Ok, hold on.. (checking phone). Great. Are you ready?



Hold on. What?

What do you mean what?

What are you doing?

We are doing sex.

Noo, you are making a loud noise.

Yes, that is the sex. You like it. You should do some sex to me too.

What? No, you are just screaming in my face. We both still have our clothes on.

I am blowing your mind. HUBBAHUBB-

What the hell is this? It’s not even phone sex! I think I’ll skip it.



Hello, can I help you?

What is going on here? I paid this..


Yes! And now she’s making some gawdawful racket and calling it sex.

Yes, that is sex.

No, that is not. I am sure.

I am sorry, you do not understand. That is sex, as we have it now. It is less messy than the old sex. People were having too much fun making people have sex, so we invented the new sex for them that is not dangerous.

That seems like a good idea but also… completely crazy? Sex is sex, you don’t get to pick what sex is.

We have. Have a nice day.

Wait, hold on. This is real? Even the name, Whores for Hire–of course they are for hire, they are whores!


It isn’t made up. And you can’t have your money back.

I don’t want my money back. I want to know how you convince a whole bunch of people that something that isn’t sex is sex.

It was for their own good. They understood and so did their parents.

Well, I don’t.

What if we trained people to think that aggression, beating people WAS sex?

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