Bournemouth fascists blamed for doughnut famine in Chandlers Ford.

Comrades in Chandlers Ford turned out earlier today to oppose a handful of heavily refreshed fascists who had come to shout at a Methodist church, apparently on the grounds that there might be some Muslims inside, prompting what must be the largest police operation the sleepy town has ever seen. The fascists mainly comprised Bournemouth EDL, inc Hazel and Whicher, a dope fiend from the island, and some teens in parkas who turned up right at the end perhaps wishing the trains ran on time. Poor showing from Hampshire; Rob Brammer (pictured) was conspicuous by his absence, he seems to have disappeared from both the streets and the internet. Perhaps he’s been locked up, or just pissed off with the coffee money – if anyone knows, give us a shout, we’re almost interested.

The eddles made total cocks of themselves, having been drinking since mid-day, so that by the time they reached the church they were too pissed to chant coherently. A half-hearted ‘je suis charlie’ was intoned in that studied mockney voice they all put on. The irony of English fascists spouting pidgin French in support of a left-wing magazine lost on them. Apart from “eee edl” the rest of it was unintelligible across the serried ranks of plod and we were a good deal closer than the folks in the church. They took to shouting “go home” to people in cars who probably were, a bit rude when you’re from the next county. The residents were bemused, antifascists requested to mind their language by filth, because this is “a nice middle class area” – in case we’d forgotten whose side they’re on. The fantasist facebook group ‘pie n mash squad’ posted this:weirdos

Whatever do they mean? maybe they had a barney amongst themselves in the pub beforehand. After about an hour the fascists’ charlie had worn off and they called a taxi. Our lot went for a drink leaving Costas and Waitrose swarming with Babylon, if you’re after a doughnut in Chandlers Ford tonight you’re out of luck.