The Kingston University Big Bleed

Kingston University’s Big Bleed is the drainable outcome of a SADASS research project conducted during the middle ages.

Similar bleeding schemes have been implemented during medieval times and there is considerable associated evidence that lacklustre staff suffering from illness and stress can be made to feel engaged and less likely to drop out by draining off a couple of pints. There is also literature suggesting that bleeding for pleasure promotes personal motivation in the VC and his fellow leeches. It also supports the work of the new KU Leech Research Institute.

In universities where such schemes operate, selecting the right partner is very much part of the process. For the academic year 2015-16 we have therefore chosen a vampire to get the scheme started, and it is Count Dracula, one of Kingston’s most famous numerically literate alumni.

Our aim is to reach out to staff and students, especially young women although that is against Kingston’s equality, diversity and inclusion policy. When Nona McDuffer complained, the Count relented, but drew the line at Lesley-hyphen-Jane. ‘Too much bad blood’, he joked in his quaint Transylvanian accent. He has also asked for stakeholders not to be included.

We hope that this scheme will promote a feeling of anaemia between students who are bitten and participate in Welcome Week events relating to the KU Big Bleed. Going forward we would like to keep this community momentum going and ensure the eternal nightlife of Kingston University amongst the undead of the educational system of Britain.

NEPOTISM WATCH

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The ludicrous PLAYING OUT organisation, coincidentally run by Mayor Dodgy Trouser’s daughter, Alice, is not the only charity to be benefiting from increased council largesse since King George ascended to his throne.

Cycling charity, SUSTRANS, run by George’s old public school friend and fellow 1970s Clifton socialite, JOHN “REALLY” GRIMSHAW, also seems to have managed to rake it in over the last three years.

In 2011and 2012, the charity scooped a healthy £215k from the council tax payer but this shot up to over £1million for 2012 and 2013 after George arrived.

In Bristol, it seems who you went to school with or who your dad is does you no harm when it comes to scooping up large council grants!

Red Trousers wants to eat his Greens

Mayor Georgie Porgie, presumably now aware as the rest of us that he has no hope of getting reelected next year, is resorting to DESPERATE MEASURES to keep his incompetent backside in the mayoral hot seat.

Rumours arrive at The BRISTOLIAN that Mayor Unelectable has now come up with a barking mad new election strategy … He wants to go into a COALITION with the electorally successful Greens to improve his reelection chances!

He’s reported to have approached the ever-expanding party of hapless wealthy lefties claiming that “we are basically the same. We want the same things”!

What same things? Unicycle lanes for trainee jugglers? Endless promotion of Luke “Small Dick” Jerram’s 6th form art projects? A cheap ex-council property?

Alas, apart from Southville councillor and former Bristol Green Party leader, “RIGHT” CHARLIE BOLTON, who’s been residing up Georgie’s backside for at least ten years now, no Green seems very keen to take up the offer of an ELECTORAL SUICIDE PACT fronted by Mayor Loser.

Some UK summer events

Elbit shenstone

Monday July 6. Block the Factory.

A day of “creative action” against Israeli drone factory in the Midlands, supported by AAN among other groups. It is taking place on the anniversary of last summer’s assault on Gaza, which killed more than 2,200 Palestinians in the latest brutal chapter in Israel’s ongoing occupation and colonisation. The massacre was carried out using drones manufactured by Israeli arms company Elbit Systems, whose factory at Shenstone was occupied last year. Now campaigners are going back, in numbers…

breaking the frame2

Thursday July 9 to Sunday July 12. Breaking the Frame.

The politics of technology are the focus of a gathering in Derbyshire, England, from July 9 to 12 2015. Breaking the Frame 2 has been organised by Corporate Watch, Luddites200 and others. Workshops will focus on the technology politics of food, the workplace, privacy/policing, gender, energy, health, militarism, mining and infrastructure.

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Wednesday August 19 to Monday August 24. Earth First Summer Gathering.

The gathering is billed as “five days of skills sharing for grassroots ecological action” revolving around the struggle against fracking, new roads and lots more, with a particular emphasis on community-based campaigns. It is “a chance for people and groups from across the country and beyond to get together to network, share practical skills, ideas and inspirations to help our actions and campaigns be as strategic and effective as possible”.

#23 Sağlıklı bir ayrılık

ETİK SÜRTÜK, ALIŞTIRMA #23. Sağlıklı ve yapıcı bir ayrılık hikayesi uydurun. Her kişinin zor duygularla nasıl baş ettiğiyle ilgili detaylara girin. Ayrılıktan hemen sonrası için, altı hafta sonrası için, altı ay sonrası için anlaşmalar icat edin.

Bunu Uzun Ayrılık başlıklı öyküde yanıtladım. Olayların büyük bir kısmı gerçektir veya gerçeğe çok yakındır.

Identity has no class

The Bristol 24/7 VANITY PUBLISHING website for E3 media bosses, Mike “GORDON” Bennett and Dougal “FAT BASTARD” Templeton, gushed about “Girl Power” in a patronising headline on May 8 after Bristol returned four female MPs to Westminster.

What the website didn’t point out in its usual rush to sell Bristol as THE NEW PARADISE OF URBAN COOL is that all THREE of the city’s Labour MPs now live in leafy BRISTOL WEST. An area of town where property prices and rents are through the roof and the poor are being FORCED OUT on a daily basis by gentrifiers.

Newbie Bristol West MP “FASCIST GROOVE” Thangam Debonaire lives in wealthy hippy outpost, St Werburghs; Bristol East MP, Kerry “AND THE BANSHEES” McCarthy, opts for a dockside apartment in Redcliff and new South Bristol MP Karin “WHO?” Smyth lives in the Georgian splendour of leafy Cotham.

All very nice indeed. But what does this tell us about the WEALTH and STATUS of our Labour MPs? Do these MPs, all homeowners from professional backgrounds who aren’t really short of a penny or two, adequately represent the whole of this city?

Or are we supposed not to ask because they’re ALL WOMEN and this trumps any issues around wealth, status and class?

Surely if the Labour Party are serious about reconnecting with communities and their electorate they’re going to have to start handing senior party roles in Bristol to people who aren’t middle class, POLITICALLY CORRECT SNOBS and to people who have genuine connections to the communities they claim to represent?

Lying Tories

Torybellends

That pair of gormless BENT TORY pricks, Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber – Matthew MELIAS and Wayne HARVEY – that call themselves councillors for Avonmouth have been at it again.

Does anyone remember the dodgy municipal couple getting people to line up for a pre-election PHOTO-OP outside the former Alldays site in Shire to campaign for a new supermarket?

Well, lo and behold! Just a week after the election we learn that a planning application has gone in to convert the premisies in to TEN PRIVATE DWELLINGS! No sign of  Dumb and Dumber’s promised supermarket.

Of course, as councillors for the area, both Melias and Harvey would have been perfectly aware of these plans for the site when they posed for their photo-op.

But what’s the harm in a bit of dodgy pre-election lying between Tories and their electorate?

Uzun ayrılık

Kitabından başını kaldırdı ve Hikmet’i gördü. Hikmet henüz onu görmemişti. Ayracı kitabın arasına koydu ve kitabı çantasına kaldırdı, bu arada saate göz attı: Selim sadece on dakika geç kalmıştı.

Hikmet gözlerini kocaman açarak yüzünü buruşturdu: “Abi arkadaş kalmak nedir? İnsan biraz ara verir. Çok mutsuz olmayacak mısın?”

Bunu öyle çok düşünmüştü ki, trafik ışığının kırmızından yeşile dönmesinden arkadaki arabanın korna çalmasına kadar geçen süre kadar bile duraksamadı: “Hiç haber almasam daha mutsuz olurum. Görüşmememiz demek, bu geçiş döneminde onun yaşayacağı değişimleri gözlemleyememem demek. Yani mesela tekrar birlikte olacaksak eğer… sonuçta benim istediğim bu değil mi?… tekrar birlikte olacaksak, bunun için birbirimizden uzaklaşmamamız lazım. Şimdi koparsak bir daha anca bir mucize birleştirir bizi ve o tarihte o mucizeyi ben ister miyim onu dahi bilmiyorum.”

“Nasıl yani? Sen böyle devam edebilir miydin yani?” dedi Turgut. O daha yanıt vermeden garson araya girdi: “Siz bir şey içer miydiniz?”very very healthy

Yeni gelenler birer bardak bira istediler.

“Evet. Hatta bir bakıma o benden ayrılmadı diyebiliriz. Sonuçta öteki çocuk benim varlığımı kabul etmediği için ayrıldı benden, doğrudan kendi istediği için değil.” Masadakiler gözlerini kıstılar, kimse inanmamıştı bu yoruma. “Yani evet, sonuçta bu tercihi yapan o oldu, ama hani, bizim ilişkimizde derin, çözülemez sorunlar olduğu için değil. Hatta mesela bana ‘Bak ben böyle biriyle tanıştım. Bu sıralar onun hayatımda olmasına ihtiyacım var. Bana birkaç ay var.’ dese ben ona da vardım. Ama böyle dandik bir taahhüt bile vermedi.”

Nermin kendini tutamadı. “Yahu çok saçma. Siz bile ayrılacaksanız insanlar neden ilişkiye falan başlıyorlar ki daha hala?” Gülüşmelere Nazlı da katıldı: “Evet ya ben de mesajı alınca birkaç kez okudum, hatta sonra telefon ettim doğru anlamış mıyım diye. Hiç beklemiyordum böyle bir şey.”

Herkes güncel duruma az çok hakim olmuştu artık. Olmadılarsa da artık çok geçti, üçüncü biralar servis ediliyordu bile. Çantasının ön gözünden anahtarını çıkardı, ayağa kalktı, anahtarını kadehine vurarak herkesin dikkatini ona çevirmesini sağladı: “Sizler için bir konuşma hazırladım.”

Gülüşmeler, “Vaaay, hazırlıklı gelmiş!”ler arasında not defterini açtı. Birkaç dakikayı aşmayan konuşmasını üç maddelik “kararlar” bölümüyle bitirdi. Sonra masadakilerin imzalaması için hazırladığı destek metnini hızlıca okudu ve elden elde dolaşması için bir dolma kalemle birlikte yanındaki Metin’e verdi.

Masada küçük bir alkış koptu. Başıyla selam verdi ve yerine oturdu. İmza metni dolaşmaya başlamıştı ve masadaki herkes kendince bir yorum yapıp imzalıyordu.charlie browns supper

Tam altı ay geçmişti. Haftada bir görüşüyorlardı. Hayatları yavaş yavaş birbirinden ayrılıyor, bambaşka bir denge noktasına ilerliyordu.

“Bize acilen bir megafon lazım. Her sabah toplantı yapıyoruz, sonra akşam eylemde bu toplantıdaki kararlarımızı uygulayamıyoruz çünkü sesimizi duyuramıyoruz. Mesela forum yapamıyoruz.” demişti ona. Şimdi para transferinin bir an önce yapılabilmesi için telefondaydı.

“Evet evet. Yani en erken derken, eğer ışık hızını geçebilirsen dün yatırmanı rica edeceğim. Olmaz dersen hemen şimdi şu anda gidiver bankaya.” Bir yandan önündeki bilgisayardan son gelişmeleri takip ediyor ve ayaklanmayla ilgili en güncel ve önemli haberleri paylaşmaya çalışıyordu.

İstanbul’a uçağı yarın kalkıyordu ve daha hala halletmesi gereken bir dünya küçük detay vardı.

İki yıl geçmişti ayrılıklarının üstünden. Ne zaman nasıl görüşebilecekleriyle ilgili bir e-posta yollamıştı, onu çok özlediğini, mutlaka birkaç gün görüşmek istediğini yazmıştı.

Şimdi yanıt vermiş olduğunu gördü. Mektup şöyle başlıyordu:

“ohoo, arada kaynatmışım mailini…”

Bilgisayarını kapattı ve öğlen yemeği için kafeteryaya gitti.

***

Welsh Back handers ?

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Strange goings-on down at WELSH BACK as Bristol City Council attempt, yet again, to get their ‘O’ and ‘M’ Sheds at the far south of the street PRIVATELY DEVELOPED into an upmarket dockside restaurant and leisure complex for wankers.

Joe “JACKASS” Jeffrey, a Principal Property Officer with the council, has been skulking around Welsh Back for some time now ordering HOUSEBOAT OWNERS, some of whom have been moored alongside any proposed development for over 30 years, to move immediately, at their own expense, to Bathurst Basin.

The houseboat owners, naturally, are not that keen to be EVICTED by the council from the place they call home. While many Bristolians may be similarly shocked to find this kind of pressure being exerted on what many of us consider to be part of the fabric of the modern docks.

None of this is a concern to BULLY-BOY JEFFERY, however. He’s told the houseboats to move or else! He’s even claimed the council has a “BOTTOMLESS PIT” of money to fund legal action against the boat owners if necessary.

Presumably our old friend and Mayor Bumhole’s legal gimp, council monitoring officer, Sanjay “Under” Prashar has authorised this then?

Which is all rather strange. Because there’s currently no live planning application for the site and there’s not even, as far as we can see, a preferred developer appointed since plans for the site promoted by Cordwell Developments collapsed in 2009.

Perhaps the reasons for that collapse might give us some idea what’s going on then?

-Cordwell’s 2009 planning application was rejected for the following reasons: the loss of the London Plane Tree [at the junction of Welshback and Redcliff Way]; the massing and height of the replacement M Shed building; the privacy and access to HOUSEBOATS and the lack of adequate refuse storage.

How convenient would it be if one of those pesky reasons – the HOUSEBOATS – were simply removed from the scene before any planning application went in?

The smell of foul play in Welsh Back air is hardly dispelled by an email from a councillor to one of the houseboat owners, which says, “the most important thing to say is that the attempt to move you has been agreed by THE MAYOR“!

Surely the mayor wouldn’t be doing a favour for a mystery private developer friend? Would he?

Media creams itself as mayor reverse ferrets

Was it just last year that Mayor Blind Eye BANNED members of the public from asking him questions at meetings that didn’t relate to items on the agenda? Why indeed it was!

But that didn’t stop the Bristol 24/7 vanity publishing website wetting itself with joy at the announcement by Mayor Ferret that he would now be PERMITTING the public to ask him questions at meetings that didn’t relate to items on his agenda!

This “inspires more people to be more active in our democracy” gushed George’s web mouthpiece before explaining with a straight face that this was “the latest step down the path of empowered democracy”!

All neatly sidestepping the fact that George had personally BANNED these questions last year and has only reinstated them after being TOLD TO in a report by the Centre for Democratic Scrutiny about George’s council’s lack of democracy.