‘NO FUN’ PARK BYELAWS BROUHAHA BACKFIRES ON FERGUSON & HOYT!

BRISTOL BIGWIGS HAVE HISTORY FOR THIS SORT OF THING…

If our illustrious millionaire mayor George Ferguson and his idiot boy wonder Councillor Augustus Hoyt have it their way, it’s soon going to be illegal to climb trees, play ball games or skateboard in Bristol Parks.

The LUDICROUS BYELAWS these nobs tried to rush through council the other week hit the national press and threatened to trash Bristol’s reputation as a ‘fun city’. The nationally publicised backlash frightened Fergo, who then bottled it like the cheap snake oil salesman he is. He pulled the byelaws out from a vote (at least for now) and forced his ‘Assistant Mayor’ Hoyt to appear on the local telly news to defend the policy – just as he was putting it on hold!

Ass Mayor Gusty Hoyt - a shaved chimp who hates kids, ball games and free family fun in the park?
Ass Mayor Gusty Hoyt – a ‘shaved chimpanzee’ who hates kids, ball games and free family fun in the park?

But whilst amusing to watch Gusty sweat like a PARTIALLY-SHAVED CHIMPANZEE with glandular problems in the face of a mild probing from Ian Axton, the whole fiasco also underlined an age-old point. When nobs who think they own our city bang on about ‘public freedoms’, they mean that there are only two types of ‘fun’ allowed in our streets and parks: stuff organised by them (like the boring official ‘street festivals’ in town); or commercial events they can profit from, like the Arc Festival.

If you don’t fit into these categories then at best you’ll be nicked and fined, at worst riot police go in and you’ll be kissing truncheons (like in Easton at the impromptu Thatcher’s Dead street party).

Bristol’s international reputation for free, self-organised fun is based on things like the original Ashton Court Festival, St Paul’s Carnival and ‘free parties’ in general. But it will always be under threat from posh tossers like Fergo and Hoytie-Toyty, who just don’t get it, and never will.
None of this is new. For hundreds of years Bristolians have been fighting over control of public space.

Back in the 17th century after the Church had stopped a land grab by GREEDY CLIFTON MERCHANTS (things don’t change), College Green became a popular place for recreation. Trouble was Bristolians weren’t interested in going to Church but just wanted to hang out and have a laugh.

In 1634 a report sponsored by Archbishop Thomas Laud stated:

…it is made a receptacle for all idle persons to spend their time in stopball and such lyke recreations, even of times from morning until night, the time of divine service not excepted.

Ironically in 2001, the Dean of Bristol Cathedral complained about disturbances to his services by skateboarders on College Green (who weren’t interested in church, funnily enough) and started a campaign to get a byelaw forbidding skateboarding to be enforced. In the summer of 2007 the police served a ‘dispersal order’ on College Green and the surrounding area for the period of the school holidays.

The order was aimed at the SKATEBOARDERS and other youth who had gathered on College Green for many years. Bristolian youngsters reacted in style with demonstrations and an active media campaign protesting against the order.

The fight over College Green continues to this very day, but in nearby Brandon Hill the battle was lost over a century ago.

Overlooking the whole city, Brandon Hill in the 17th and 18th centuries was symbolic as the ‘PEOPLE’S HILL’, where Bristolians came to play, party, meet and demonstrate.

However, after the 1831 ‘riots’ – essentially a violent attack on Bristol’s wealthy elite – the rich began to move in droves up to Clifton as they were too scared to be near the working class areas of central Bristol. The last thing these posh types wanted was a free party or a working-class demonstration going on just up the road.

It comes as no surprise that one of the first police stations in Bristol was built on Brandon Hill in 1836 to keep an eye on working class Bristolians having a party, whilst the real colonial thieves and SLAVE-TRADING CRIMINALS lived right round the corner.

In the 1840s, the People’s Hill was the scene of mass Chartist meetings and demonstrations, calling for democracy for everyone not just the wealthy. This frightened the rich Cliftonites, who began a long campaign to stop the demonstrations and get control of the People’s Hill.

In the late 19th century, after a series of sneaky legal manoeuvres, they managed to get the top of Brandon Hill covered in rock gardens to stop any parties or gatherings, and celebrated their victory by planning to build a massive statue of slave-trader Edward Colston overlooking the city!

In the end they settled for Cabot Tower, a monument to their robbing and enslavement of the New World. Brandon Hill was completed sanitised and has so many byelaws that most Bristolians don’t bother with it. It was transformed from the People’s Hill to Nobs’ Hill in just one hundred years.

So, bollocks to their byelaws – The ‘Smiter’ says ‘Fight for the Right to Party’, just like Bristolians have done for centuries!

EMPTY PITCH SHOCK AS G.F.A. WASTES MONEY ON WHITE ELEPHANT NO ONE USES WHILST COMMUNITY FOOTBALL REMAINS UNDERFUNDED

Bristol football clubs have been astounded by the activities of the Gloucestershire Football Association (GFA). Last year the GFA opened a new 3G astroturf pitch COSTING NEARLY ONE MILLION QUID at its Oaklands Park headquarters in Almondsbury.

The GFA have been crowing about their new ‘Real Madrid’ standard pitch, which replaced a perfectly good grass surface. The problem is that the Almondsbury HQ, seven miles outside the city centre, normally only hosts cup finals and one or two other games a year. So what’s the point of this expensive luxury when the city’s football clubs are suffering from under-maintained grass pitches and changing rooms?

In an article in the Nazi Post last December the GFA openly admitted that their 3G pitch was so underused they had resorted to getting Aztec West office workers to have a kick about on it during lunchtimes.

Why did the GFA make the decision to build it in the first place, rather than spreading the money around the hundreds of amateur clubs who make up their association? Many of these clubs desperately need money to improve their grass pitches and changing facilities, especially with all the council cuts.

Instead the GFA have turned their backs on their members so they could modernise their own facilities using the Bristol clubs’ subscription money and grants for ‘community football’ from the Football Foundation. How does this benefit Bristol football clubs and the ‘community’?

Looks like Bristol footballers’ money has been squandered on a criminally underused and massively expensive white elephant….

THE RAIN IN SPAIN FALLS MAINLY ON THE… ASTROTURF?!

Commentary from The BRISTOLIAN‘s Football Correspondent…

While politicians and many fans cling to the belief that stadiums on the greenbelt for pros are the key to success, a GRASSROOTS FOOTBALL CRISIS unfolds before them.

Over the last two months, virtually no competitive youth football took place in the city. Poorly maintained pitches with poor drainage were waterlogged after heavy rain.

Our man not on the touchline but inside playing PlayStation with the kids says, “if a child missed eight weeks of school, they’d fall behind. WHAT’S DIFFERENT ABOUT FOOTBALL?

Young people have sussed this. An under-14 at Rockleaze Rangers FC, told The Guardian recently about Spain’s youth, who rarely play on grass, so “learn from a young age to play well”.

He’s right. A grass pitch can hold three games a week. Artificial pitches can host 60 teams for training plus matches and they’re usually floodlit for play at night.

The technically extravagant and tactically sophisticated Spaniards will be competing for a fourth consecutive major title in Brazil this summer.

Meanwhile, England has not won a trophy for 48 years.

So, what’s your stance on grass versus artificial surfaces? Is astroturf the thin edge of a privatising wedge that will rob us of our last open, free-to-all green spaces, as happened at Packer’s Field? Let us know!

RED ALERT! GREEN SPACE SELL-OFF..?

Open space campaigners tell us that part-time council property boss, Robert ‘Spunkface’ Orrett has OPENLY ADMITTED that he sees his role as obtaining the maximum cash sale value of all council land in Bristol – including any local green or open space.

This was why Spunkface endlessly delayed voluntarily registering council-owned open space such as Wellington Hill Playing Fields as ‘Town Greens’.

Locals should therefore be on alert to protect their green and open spaces not protected by town green law, as the man in charge considers it all up for sale for development and he DOESN’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK. This applies to all parkland and allotments too.

At least what we have always suspected is now confirmed: that Bristol City Council sees open spaces primarily as financial assets for itself and not as spaces of value for Bristolians.

GRASSROOTS FOOTBALL BLOW AS BRISTOL’S COUNCILLORS SHOW LOVE FOR HUGE STADIUMS – BUT ONLY CONTEMPT FOR PARK PLAYERS

At The BRISTOLIAN we take pride in getting to the bottom of stories the Nazi Post just skims over. In December they ran an article about how local football club AFC Stapleton was being driven off their pitches on Begbrook Green Park by the City Council, supposedly after complaints from local residents…because “they were using it too much”!

Local Tory councillor Lesley Alexander opposed the use of three of the eighteen acres in the park two days a week by the local football club as it “interfered” with “family activities”. Alexander and BCC have already forced AFC Stapleton to move some of their games to Eastville Park NEARLY TWO MILES away from their clubhouse!

Shitty Hall scribbler Ian ‘Copy Typist’ Onions – the Post reporter responsible for the article – failed to mention a couple of vital bits of information in his biased story. First, there was only one local resident who had actually complained about the football in the park, with BCC’s own survey of residents showing 85% support for the sports club.

Second, the complaining ‘local resident’ is a close friend of Councillor ‘posh-girl’ Alexander. What a surprise… A couple of Tory nimbys ganging up together to keep hundreds of youngsters and adults from having fun and keeping fit.

For years, successive administrations at BCC have sold off public playing fields and recreation grounds-  and now public green spaces for sport are at a premium in the city. The last thing Bristol needs is corrupt Tory councillors kicking sports clubs off the remaining parks.

The BRISTOLIAN says: Kick Tory Twats Out Of Football….

BRISTOL’S TIGHT MAYOR: ‘NO MORE MOOR FEES FOR ME’ SAYS FERGO!

When Plimsoll Bridge on Cumberland Basin got stuck open in December, Mayor Fergo claimed that it would “MILLIONS” TO FIX –  and made ominous sounds about the need to lay off yet more workers to offset the bill.

As ever, the privately-educated berk was way off-beam in his predictions – thanks to the graft of the very workers he wants to ‘streamline’ into redundancy, the actual cost of repairs is now thought to be closer to £5-10,000.

Of course, whilst the millionaire Mayor is always keen to pay lip service to Bristol’s ‘maritime heritage’, and has made a pretty penny or two out of his business involvements in various COUNCIL-SUBSIDISED ferry companies, Fergo is a little less hands-on with the nitty-gritty.

That might explain why Fat Fingered Fergo is demanding a rise in mooring fees for boats in the docks – but the MISERLY MAYOR HASN’T COUGHED UP for the full licence for his own boat!

Pay your dues, George – or one day you’ll find your floating crib has been scuttled by disgruntled scurvy seadogs…

WHAT A GAS! ROVERS FAN FORUM USER A BIT ‘SEE THROUGH’…

A regular contributor to the Bristol Rovers Fans Forum going by the name of ‘HENBURY GAS’ seems to be very well informed.

On January 15 s/he announced to the forum: “Had a chat with my good friend on the planning committee yesterday about the Jr [Judicial review into the proposed Sainsbury’s supermarket at the Mem] and he said ‘All is going well with the Judge’ and confirms that we should get good news in March. He also confirmed that south Glos was involved as well. Also keep up the good work on here as they do read this forum!”

Forum user ‘BIG DAVE’ then replied:

“Whilst i don’t want to doubt you or your friend, i can’t see why (either the prosecution or) the defence can be getting feedback from the judge ahead of the Jr hearing…”

To which the knowledgeable and well-connected ‘Henbury Gas’ responded: “Think they call it ‘Discovery’ and my friend is the chairman of the planning committee…”

Entirely coincidentally, the Chairman of Bristol City Council’s Development Control (North) Committee – the one responsible for the Sainsbury development at the Mem – is none other than CHRIS WINDOWS, the Tory councillor for, er … Henbury!

What a curious coincidence…