YO! BUM RUSH THE SHOW

SO IT WAS a Wednesday and the National Union of Students were marching again to protest about the fee hikes and the scrapping of E.M.A.; just another N.U.S. demo in London, not much to it, right? Wrong. It was actually one of the worst demonstrations that has ever been organised. Liam Burns and his group of geniuses decided that the march itself should take the route that the Chartist movement used before, but with one tiny exception: they should march in the opposite direction and have a rally in Kennington Park – because that would really show the Tories the brilliance of student movement. And of course we cannot forget to mention their excellent negotiation skills with the Met which resulted in a Section 12 being implemented by the police throughout the day.

Despite attempts by students to encourage fellow demonstrators to stay at Parliament to vent their anger at a more convenient location, the N.U.S. bureaucrats had their say and all attempts to have a more geographically-effective march were called off. To make things even more cheerful, the weather was incredibly shite. So after a wet, windy and miserable march, the remaining student demonstrators finally made their way to Kennington Park, where they faced the option of either listening to the delightful rants of reformist academics talk about how brilliantly effective marching away from central London in shit weather is, or to head to the nearest pub: most demonstrators at this point took the latter.

The bureaucrats leading the march to an out of the way corner is the perfect example of how it has carried out its mission to kill the enthusiasm and effectiveness of rank and file students. Two years ago, the student movement occupied dozens of universities and colleges, smashed the Tory H.Q. at Millbank and took part in dozens of effective, loud and confrontational demos, involving hundreds of thousands across the country, and giving the anti-cuts movement a much needed kick up the arse, without the N.U.S. leadership. Since then, the leadership, terrified of losing control, and even more terrified of losing the overpaid jobs as Labour lackeys and T.U.C. bureaucrats that await ex-N.U.S. scab presidents, has done its best to destroy any energy: distancing itself from direct action and occupations, putting no money or time into organising demos and funnelling dissent into useless gestures. In order for union bigwigs to be able to sit at the bosses table, they need to show that they can reign in their members when they go ‘too far’ and to collaborate with the filth to stop any other alternative or more effective movements from gaining the upper ground. It is this, not the scrapping of fees that has been the task of the N.U.S. leadership.

But not everyone at the rally was happy with how the day went, and approximately half the crowd decided to remind Liam Burns of their feelings, by yelling “N.U.S. shame on you, where the fuck have you brought us to?” and demanding a general strike. Some demonstrators thoughtfully noted how Mr Burns looked a little hungry, and decided to launch whatever food goods they could find, including a satsuma, although there has been much debate around whether or not it as a tangerine. The final account included tomatoes, eggs, two broccolis and one half-eaten squash. None of the items managed to reach Liam, as he later tweeted: “I can confirm no hits. Like Neo I am…” Well, being able to enter bullet time, and dodge incoming culinary bombardment is admittedly important in an N.U.S. president, but he foolishly goaded the upset demonstrators to come closer, to which they willingly obliged; protesters broke past the barricade and security to take the stage. At this moment Liam had already (like a true Bond villain) made a dramatic exit to his secret lair, leaving the rally in a similar state to the leadership itself: an absolute shambles. This shows the feeling among students is they recognise the flaws of the N.U.S. and are ready to throw it off, with the potential for a more sustainable version of the grassroots movement of late 2010.

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