“Your pleasure is my pleasure” and “my pleasure is your pleasure”: Phallic Jouissance (Jφ) and Other Jouissance (JA)
Sex is not “your pleasure is my pleasure” – the pervert’s surplus enjoyment/Jouissance.
Sex is “my pleasure is your pleasure” – the Other Jouissance (JA) – Jouissance through the Other.
What is meant by this?
I will here throughout refer to cultural, statistical problem of cis-heterosexual intercourse: where the female orgasm is a rarity, and so is female sexual satisfaction. In some cases, the female orgasm is a cultural myth.
The masculine Jouissance; by this I mean that the male orgasm is in the act of cis-heterosexual sex, purely masturbatory.
The Man in cis-heterosexual sex gets off, enjoys, and achieves orgasm because of his perceived ability to make the Other orgasm.
He takes so much pride in ‘being good’ (“i’m gonna fuck you so good”) that he achieves Jouissance (sexual pleasure and satisfaction) through his own narcissistic self-image as the one who’s ‘doing the work’.
The Man enjoys his own ability and performance so much so that he achieves orgasm first.
He achieves his own orgasm first because he is so aroused and satisfied by his ability to make the Other orgasm, that he will orgasm before she does/they do.
His enjoyment of his ability to pleasure the Other is more pleasurable than the Other’s enjoyment.
This is also what is meant by the term surplus enjoyment.
- ‘I enjoy my own sacrificing of my own pleasure, even more than if I had experienced it as simple pleasure. By the act of ‘sacrifice’, it becomes more.’
That is to say “your pleasure is my pleasure” (your Jouissance is my Jouissance”) – ‘I fuck you so good, that I cum at the very thought of myself fucking so good, you become my fantasy of myself, and I use you to more effectively masturbate.’
Cis-heterosexual intercourse for the masculine Man is therefore masturbation.
This is what is also what is meant by the Lacanian notion of the ‘pervert’ – who ‘knows exactly what the Other desires’.
On the contrary – Sex is when “my pleasure is your pleasure”.
That is to say ‘even if I still fantasize about myself and enjoy the idea of myself as the pleasuring partner (after all, all enjoyment of ‘giving’ is this kind of fantasmic enjoyment) I still prioritise and enjoy my partner’s enjoyment more than my own. I experience my joy through the Other’s joy.’
‘My Jouissance is your Jouissance.’
The masturbatory element (the enjoyment of oneself as the pleasurer, I.e the pleasure of giving pleasure) can still persist in sex, but this enjoyment can be exercised either through the self (“and this makes me satisfied”) or through the Other (“I am only satisfied when you are/my satisfaction is your satisfaction”).
Masturbation (even with a partner) is through the function of the former:
I.e “I am the reason for my own Jouissance, even if I involve someone else. I involve you to enjoy myself even more.”
I love you, but, because inexplicably I love in you something more than you – the object petit a – I mutilate you.”
The Seminar of Jacques Lacan: The Four Fundamental Concepts of Psychoanalysis
‘You are only involved for my pleasure’ (your pleasure/Jouissance is my pleasure/Jouissance).
Sexual intercourse occurs with the function of the latter; I am only involved for your pleasure, and this I still thoroughly enjoy, insofar as it is you who is experiencing this joy for me.
You are the reason for my Jouissance.
I involve myself for your enjoyment even more.