I got sexually involved with one of my cousins. He said that, in the view of the family, we both were already homosexuals: ‘come on, don’t you see. Even I am half way between being gay and normal, in our families’ eyes.’
And I found some sexuality in him that I had not seen before. In all aspects of life.
I kissed all parts of his body, but especially his leg. I seemed fascinated by his leg.
I travelled with two or three friends, from childhood. We had started walking and we had got one straw each, then we talked with the people who on the way had given us a lift and the straw had turned into a lorry full of straw bales and apples. We were staying in a friend’s house and we were eating our apples. He wanted us to sing ‘happy birthday’ using a modern commercial tune.
But then after my experience with my cousin, I remembered this episode and suddenly I saw the whole scene in which I was in a more sexualised way, or with a more sexual consciousness. It was amazing how the same experience changed, with the new perspective. So much so, that I relived it all but it seemed like a totally different experience. More and more had come, we had our straws and I decided to get again with just one straw, leave the excess luggage there and set off with the girl I fancied.
I had seen there was an attraction with this kid, and there was something the others did not see. I was still uncomfortable with my sexy underwear, and the others could see this too. The guy wanted to record the song and we did start. When more people came and joined the signing and the recording, I saw that we were not indispensable and I whispered to Laura’s ear: why don’t we leave and sing the happy birthday on our own.
And I started kissing her. And we left, with a lot less luggage, but free from that stupid singing.