Critical Mass London 27 June 2014

Some reports and videos mostly taken from youtube via facebook, the comments are from facebook, liberated here for the commons domain.

Video editing thanks to Miles Gl!criticalmasslondon

I had a lovely night Friday, but this bit was the highlight. A couple dismounted their bikes and danced to a fabulous salsa number provided by the PA on the trailer made by Druid Cycles. Thanks to Thor and his posse.
Critical Mass Salsa

here are some bits of Critical Mass London for June.

The route

Waterloo-elephant-tower bridge-aldgate – old st- clerkenwell – chancery lane – holborn – aldwych – south over waterloo bridge- north over westminster – parliament sq – horse guards (lots of fun) – trafalgar sq – aldwych again – holborn – shaftesbury ave- soho square – oxford st – hyde park down to hyde park corner – victoria – vauxhall….

31km. Going down that narrow passage (5th km) lead to the mass splitting in at least 2 groups. Front was a bit too fast at times. Other than that was a good ride.
Google Maps:

5km: once the tower hill junction is corked, we can go east straight up East Smithfield/the highway – much more room than along royal mint st.

at 7km: some of us went east up Whitechapel Rd nearly as far as Whitechapel tube, then south, then back west along Commercial rd, before rejoining outside Aldgate East and having a latin-themed dance!

Tom: Old Street Roundabout is exactly the kind of place we should be going.

London or Portland?:

‘The mass would reach a key intersection, and riders would swarm in a circle, blocking traffic in all directions. Ironically, most of the car honks this disruption elicited seemed friendly in nature, as drivers would wave and snap photos.’


At Old Street there was a “dead end”; the mass entered a “cul the sac” and had to get back out. Some comments:
I don’t think any particular leg based transport was to blame, sometimes the mass just makes a crap decision. If anything I’d blame the pedestrian who was corking US at the end of the alley to let other pedestrians through, he was doing it for fun but it did slow down our exit!
I thought it was quite funny actually especially since the people with trolleys at the adjacent supermarket were moving faster than us In terms of pedestrians – I like to think that they – we – should have priority.
Errrr, i am responsible for that fuck up. I was at the front and the little side road looked interesting so i directed people down. It took me until mid afternoon today before i stopped randomly calling myself a fuckwit. Sorry.
You’ll be pleased to know Rayne Passmore and Derek knew i’d orchestrated that horror show, they both gave me much grief on last nights mass.
Haha! It would be so boring if stuff like this didn’t happen, let’s hug.
But it did add to the “interesting”.
Andy Wright I’m actually ashamed. I feel like a complete amateur. Next month I will stay off the shandies and serve time as a corker.
Corking and shandys go hand in hand. At least mine did!
To be honest I much prefered that route to the buckingham palace stuff – and we did reclaim a private road which is what it is all about
So bored of the palace hang out, took it back to the roots last night.
absolutely, buck palace is dead time. I loved the route last night. Horseguards rocked but here’s to the next new stop!
Deff all about the horseguards velodrome – and loved we didn’t stop stupid early at Buck palace! More of the same
Your admission of guilt and penitent attitude has not gone unnoticed by the bicycle goddess. She has therefore granted you one less puncture to repair next month

a few of those Taxi drivers yesterday wanted a fight for some reason. One Taxi driver on Oxford Street, jumped out of his cab, and ran half the length of the street to catchup with someone in the mass.

He left his door unlocked, and door window open; I wouldn’t be surprised if someone from the street stole his earnings whilst he was running after someone.

Also a cabbie just before we went over Tower Bridge started running towards the Mass from some way back on a street to our left shouting – really angry – was behind me so I don’t know what happened.

there was a guy that ran after a cyclist nr Selfridges. Kept going on about his mirror being damaged, but he wasn’t particularly angry, he was just a bit dejected by it.. Needed a hug

Tower Bridge guy (think he was a white van driver not a cabbie) got the red card treatment from Traffic Droid, who he recognised from the TV show. Cheered him up no end.
That chap was a tad bonkers, total turn around when droid popped in, surprised he didn’t ask for an autograph.

the guy in front of Selfridges: big bold guy full of muscle, who started bad against one cyclist, and then 20 arrived and circled him!! He looked around a bit confused when everyone had a good ‘BOOOH BOOH’

I was corking a side road on Oxford Street, with traffic coming out of it in three directions. Obviously we wanted to stop traffic that threatened the flow and safety of Mass, but it was fine to left the left turning lane go, so we didn’t cork that. Didn’t stop a Hackney carriage driver shouting at me that I was a scruffy cunt as he took that turn onto Oxford St. though. What did he want me to do, comb my beard and zip my hoodie up?

At first I thought the bald cabbie outside selfridges was just a drunk guy running with the mass. Leaving Waterloo imax roundabout, I had a cabbie say the usual “Do you pay road tax? Do you have insurance?”. I told him “Well you should get a bike then.”
This time pretty much every taxi driver were just going crazy…

it was amazing to see the guy sprinting out along Oxford Street!

Absolutely awesome ride tonight, thanks everyone for your company and as always the guys with the music. link to the cider holder:
Handlebar beer holder
You can’t wheel your bike, talk on the phone and hold your beer at the same time. This handlebar beer holder does what it says on the tin. Also works …
I’m glad I’m not the only one reusing Wire coat hangers

What a great Mass! For those who skipped out early, we kept going ’til midnight, finishing at the SB skate park with about 15 of us. Have to say, with those large numbers the narrow back streets are frustrating – it would have been good to mostly stick to the broader routes, but it was great to not go round the IMAX, over Waterloo Bridge, through the underpass… like we do pretty much every time – variety is the spice of life. Good vibes, good corking, good pizza from the dude on Oxford St! But why did it only take one copper to move all us lot from Horse Guards..?

Also good to see some people mapping the route via GPS tools, and it proving useful for a few people.

there were at least 3 coppers. Did wonder if we were actually doing anything illegal though…..

I recall the passageway between there and the road has some funny old rule about cycling (least that’s what one government worker told me once, though no signs) so perhaps that part of land has some funny old rules akin to those on Trafalgar Square? I think people actually do live nearby as well so maybe just disturbing the peace or a noise complaint? I’m sure I remember the flats over the arches on the mall being used as homes for the homeless or at least that was what they wanted to do, no idea if they did.

1 thing that still puzzles me. Did you notice one of the massers with a “Mein Kampf” tattoo on his arm? Dafuq’s wrong with ppl??

Hopefully it was actually Mein Kamps they do lovely cakes. If not then I second your ‘dafuq.’
A neck tattoo of the Iron Cross is not the first thing I associate with a java lover

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