Anarchists who are serious about getting rid of hierarchies need to see how they individually benefit from different types of privilege and work towards dismantling the systems that enable those privileges. However, when privilege is pointed out to people that have it, it is rare that they are willing to engage. Anger, defensiveness, dismissal of the issues raised and switching to examples of their experience of prejudice (awkward conversation successfully derailed) are more common. Alternatively, people are closed to criticism and feel that they’re fully aware of all issues faced by <insert particular marginalised group here>, that they’re getting it right. In fact, they have done so well, members of <the marginalised group> should be grateful to have them on side. Both kinds of response are hugely patronising and further embed privilege while pushing people away.
It is essential that anyone who has their privilege challenged accepts that the person who challenged them had a reason for doing so and to at least try to see the situation from their viewpoint. The answer is not to engage in guilty hand-wringing but to genuinely acknowledge what the issues are and take steps to tackle them as/if necessary. This isn’t to do a favour to people from that particular group, it’s just what you do if you want a world without systematic domination by privileged groups. Oh and the people who are dealing with the fall out of the systems that ends up benefiting you, they’re not responsible for making it easier for you to deal with your shit.
Privilege may be complicated but this doesn’t change the fact that some groups benefit massively from it. If you are in one of those groups, it’s up to you to take steps to make your community one that invites participation by all. And if you are not willing to take those steps, maybe this means that you don’t actually want a movement that is for everyone, just one for people that are like you.