HELLO AGAIN DEAR Mountaineers
Her Royal Mumsie visited me this week with some truly shocking news. She has found out this month that housing benefits are going to change. At first I was panic-stricken, as the Dave and Gideon have proposed to remove benefits from those of us with “unused” bedrooms in our home. I mean, I have extra houses with hundreds of bedrooms! With the amount of cuts to my benefits, that would mean my trips abroad would be significantly reduced and, bugger the carbon footprint, if one can’t sun in the Seychelles and ski in the Sierra Nevada at least twice a year, one simply couldn’t carry out one’s duties – one is only bloody human. I got so het up that i spilled my Bollinger Blanc de Nois Vielles Vignes Francaises 1997 all down my third favourite Savile shirting. Ah well, plenty more of both. My foul mood was only assuaged by Camilla, bless her, who cantered over, gave me a stiff one and pointed out that it was only the poor and undeserving that the benefit changes will affect!
Well, I can tell you my relief was palpable! Anyhow I think it is fair enough that under 16’s should share a room, my boys had to share a castle, it really made them close and well-adjusted – not at all the reptile-eyed, attachment disordered, powder-nosing delinquents the gutter press so love to portray. As for foster kids, they should just be happy to have a roof over their heads, so not allowing them a room is Ding Dong by me. Anyway, I watched ‘Oliver’, and some of those needy kids are simply wretched. As it’s just the plebs getting their benefits cut, it’s even possible that some of the savings will get kicked up to yours truly, then I can get Balmoral newly carpeted. And what a spiffy idea of Dave’s putting in that doodad about siblings having to share rooms to make room for lodgers! A three-bed house house for a family of six is highly sufficient; there is such a thing as bunk beds – apparently. And disabled adults should just appreciate that they are still alive, and haven’t been culled by the fam, they really don’t need the extra room: we always throw ours in the cellar and have down with it! Sensible policies and all that. Anyhow i am really looking forward to April’s changes, and as it gives you a chance to stand up and take a hit for good old Blighty, I bet you can’t wait either, eh? Lucky little buggers.
Anyway, as I was saying…
H.R.H. Prince Charles
