Be Glad the World Is Not Like the Mind

Put the pipe down.

Ok, don’t put the pipe down.


See, you almost got me in trouble, and you are so high that you don’t care!



See, it’s so nice when we get together; we dance.

We’re not dancing, you idiot. That’s me chasing you and trying to knock you down.

Oh. You never manage to though. We dance too well.


(He keeps trying to pick me up, but I keep being beneath him.)

(And I don’t even move hardly as much as a lot of people, other people, people that are hard to pick up.)

(And now he’s trying to trick me. He said he had already picked me up, and I fell for it.)

(So then I went over to where his hand was, to see what was going on, and he almost picked me up for a second. HEY QUIT THAT)

(Now he’s pretending to offer me candy. WHAT IS THAT, LIKE A VACUUM? QUIT THAT I DON’T LIKE THOSE — )


I didn’t pick you up yet.

Yes you did.

No, if I picked you up, it would be like this.

(lots of kicking and screaming)



Yes, I see, you can’t pick me up, see? This story didn’t even start OUT about you, it was about another guy. Who do you think you are? Never try to pick me up!








see, you can’t hold me


You b-tard! Give me that back! I need that! Oh, it is on now.


Thank you very much, I’ll be having that back now. No, I didn’t need the effing exercise! Go away! You jerk, I said hands off that–


haHA it doesn’t even like you, it’s coming right back. You shouldn’t have even wasted time taking it.

I’ll be back.

You can be back but look, I didn’t even write down your half of the conversation mostly, that’s how much I ignore you.

That’s how much you adore me. You just drink it all in, what I say.

Yeah, like piss.

Yeah, just like piss.

Neither one of us knows what that means.

But I have the good grace not to say so, at least.

Who do you think you are, Charles Bukowski? You can’t say piss.

Yeah, I know? That’s why I’ve been screaming ‘take that out and put something else in, I can’t say piss’? Make sense to you?

Yeah, well why are you screaming at me? I refuse to help.

Refuse to help, I’d appreciate it. I would be a huge improvement, for me.


(him) I am making a noise that is best described by the words ‘venomous silence.’

Lucky me, that you pointed that out…

…because you wouldn’t want to miss it, right?


That’s what..

Yeah, that’s what I always say.

I love you so much.

Me too.

Don’t pick me up.

I’m not promising anything.