Fistula

So this woman and her boyfriend from down the street

Came by my apartment today

And started torturing my cat

Because they wanted to discuss a bunch of lame stuff I already know

They brought different people with them as examples of things I needed to write about

Goons that tortured my cat for different reasons, what their reasons were

And then they let each of those people torture my cat till it threw up mucus

I couldn’t get them to stop

They were very proud of themselves and how witty they were, and of the different points they wanted to make in the “discussion”

They tortured the cat for about 2 hours maybe two and a half

Before anyone could get them to stop

They couldn’t even understand what I was saying to them

Finally I said what kind of discussion is this

You could just say these things

You could just think about these things

You could write them down your f****** self

You could send me an email

I’m on LinkedIn

But instead the only thing you could think of to do is to torture my cat?

The fact that it only took about two and a half hours puts them at the upper end of the curve in terms of intelligence, as my visitors go

Then I noticed something bizarre

A lot of times I would tell them something and it would just vanish

The woman would cock her head to one side and appear to be thinking about it– then blink a little — then respond as if I hadn’t said anything

This happened half a dozen times tonight

Like she was too smart to not understand my argument — it had to be taken completely away from her if she was going to be able to keep at it

The older I get the more I think Russian culture might enjoy things that are gross, and I find that endearing

It makes me think about Pavlov’s dogs

And this weird thing he’s famous for, the fistula

It’s mentioned every time you read about him, which is weird because he tortured those dogs every kind of way

And all the other things he did to them didn’t get names

But this one has this special fancy name it’s called a fistula

And it’s gross I’m warning you

It’s a hole cut in the throat so that when you eat the food falls right out onto the floor

This woman appeared to have a mental fistula

You’d give her some “food for thought” and she’d start to chew it and it would vanish as if it had never been there

How does that work?

You know what gets me every time

They’re never sorry

It doesn’t occur to them to be sorry

Each goon, after someone talks them down

They want to joke and laugh with me, be friends

It never seems to occur to them that I might be upset

She kept calling goon after goon to come and torture this cat

She’s been torturing it like this for months, 3x a day on a schedule

(Don’t jinx me, it used to be 4 times!)

She makes it very hard for me to write things down

So I told her no way am I having this discussion until you leave my cat alone

And finally I called for help. I screamed for help.

Help came and she told them she’s a level 14 ninja

And no one can do anything about her

That’s how good she is, she tells me

But get this — she’s acting like she’s fighting for some noble cause, rattling off nonsense I’ve said a hundred times or more–and she means it

But I can tell that she’s being used to distract me and keep me from writing

Because she screams louder whenever I try

And I can tell that she’s not aware of that at all

What kind of level 14 ninja is that?

You know what she said finally, she said, I take care of you

Like I owed her

Because I have to listen to her scream every day

This woman has made my life a living hell and now she calls it caring for me

I think this is someone’s exit strategy, trying to take credit for the writing, just jumping on board at the right time

I don’t think it’s going to work, do you?

I remember when they put it in

It was a few years after it all started

They loved it so much

They just sat there and kept yanking things I was thinking away –before I could get back to them to finish them–and laughing.

They call it the level 4 murder.

They told me in some countries everyone has them

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