Experts are still assessing the extent of the problem of Knowers in America.
“It’s a huge blow to your psyche,” said Isaac AsimovieItWouldStillBeLame, a doctor treating many of the Knowers. “What do we do now?”
Early tests suggest the answer is simple– nothing.
“The fastest way to heal is just to relax,” said Isaac.
Knowers we interviewed describe an invisible, individualized reign of terror, with thoughts of imminent violence, threats to their livelihood and loved ones, or even soldiers and tanks lurking around every corner
“When they said, ‘do what we say or else,’ they were pretty specific,” said (name), an ex-Knower. “They meant that they would hurt us if we didn’t do what they wanted.
“But now we’ve stopped doing anything, and they haven’t hurt us. So far so good!”
Knowers are encouraged to be careful, and to assess the danger to themselves and their families, but there doesn’t seem to be much real threat to them here in the US.
“I guess it was mostly made-up, the threat. The struggle, the danger. It kind of vanished suddenly. None of that seems to have been real,” said (name). “But I have no idea who I am now.”
Early tests show some shocking discoveries. Knowers think more slowly than non-telepaths, because they need to wait to be told what to think.
“Non-telepaths are also less able to resist compulsion better, making them stronger. And they are more able to combine info to get new info, meaning they’re smarter.
“And they’re more ethical, quieter, more reasonable, and have a larger vocabulary, and are much less aggressive.”
So for the record, in descending order of skill, we have Readers, Non-telepaths, and Knowers. It’s a sad testimony to the cruelty of those behind the operation to teach them fake mindreading.
Yet the Knowers believe their conception is immaculate. That’s what they are taught.
“It’s a joke, but it’s not just a joke,” said one former Knower. “Many of us thought it was something divine, that couldn’t make mistakes.”
“I keep kicking myself,” said another ex-Knower. “I remember I had to ask people if they were being sarcastic or not, when they were talking to me. If I was really reading minds that would have been obvious.”
If you as a reader want to share sarcastic jokes to demonstrate this to your friends, we will include some below.
“But how could I realize what was going on before I did?” he continued. “There’s a saying: fixing your own thinking is like trying to open a crate with a hammer that’s inside it.”*
Sarcastic oneliners you can say with a straight face to make people ask if you are being sarcastic
- Did something bad happen to you, or are you just naturally this terrible of a person?
- If at first you don’t succeed, stop trying already. You’re probably dumb.
- Those of you who think you know it all are really annoying to those of us who do.
- Why do people make end-of-the-world jokes like there’s no tomorrow?
- Hi there, I’m human. What are you?
- Always remember: You’re just as unique as everybody else.
- Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it since you’re not that bright.
- This obviously isn’t working out. I think it’s time for us to go our separate ways and start making other people miserable.
- I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
- Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must be none of your business then.
- Would you rather have a million bucks, or [insert name]’s head full of nickels?
- Avoid arguments about the toilet seat … use the sink.
I made the redefined sex into another post called Whores for Hire.
*Long live Terry Pratchett