Lots and lots of pets commit suicide because of pernicious scrapbooking errors

Yes it is another gross photo, I apologize, needs to be gross

They are calling it Level 2 Murder.

Authorities investigating a clerical error made a shocking discovery today. Millions of pets were registered as pet owners.

Sounds harmless until you think about the effects the stress of being seen as a petowner has on a pet that cannot read or write. Over 10,000 suicides have been found so far.

“I’m particularly cross,” said George Excelpants. “I was responsible for making sure this list was clean and correct, and I don’t appear to have cared at all. Hahahahaha!”

Was it racially motivated? Was it out of some kind of fear? Investigators found one thing all the pets had in common.

Their owners declined invitations to appear in *name’s* scrapbook.

“I am just shy?” said one person who declined to appear. “I don’t like having my picture taken. We were given the option not to appear, and it was right there on the form they sent out that you could opt out.”

“I’d at least like to see their pictures, to see how they’ve changed over the years.” The effects of the clerical errors were devastating on families.

“The pets quickly developed mental health issues, but none of them seemed to care much,” said a watcher. “The physical pain drowned all that out. A lot of the pets couldn’t breathe or see properly, had aches and pains that vets couldn’t fix. The vets were particular pissed off at them actually, because they were told they were neglectful pet owners.

“Not sure how they didn’t notice they were pets and not pet owners.

“Maybe they just knew they weren’t.”

Radiation released a cryptic statement:

every pet with Radiation’s last name is listed as a petowner in this scrapbook

Which makes no sense because everyone knows pets don’t have last names!

One woman made a quick check and found 100 such pets she knows personally, including 3 suicides. And she is just one person.

Quick searches of the database found records that kittens owned their mothers, and found 4 entries in the pet owner database for the same animal– one for each of its legs.

“They are still attached to the dog,” clarified one investigator. “They’re just registered under different names. The left front leg was listed as the owner of 8 pets.”

“We’ve been wondering for years why that dog walked like that,” said one neighbor. It was … disturbing to look at. I guess at some level he internalized that he four legs were recorded as four different people,” said an investigator assigned to the case. “Very responsible people, I guess.”

How did this happen?

It’s true some pet owners were trying to dodge vet bills and simply traded places with their pets.

In other cases the pet was listed as a pet owner to operate like a shell corporation, owning pets for a criminal who did not want to be in the scrapbook either.

Many disobedient pets explained

Pets registered to other pets were owned by criminals that can’t be held responsible for their behavior

This is where it really gets interesting. The pets that were registered as pet owners in the scrapbook were registered with some pets. What happened to them?

Those responsible for the false registration appear to have actually owned most of them. Many of them are caged for aggressive behavior, biting and worse. Several were put down. Others appear to be in extreme pain.

Because of all this, many, many, many, many criminal charges have been brought against their apparent owners, the mis-registered pets who appeared in the database as human beings. Being pets themselves, they were unable to even respond to the charges, let alone address the problems.

“I kept calling and calling and calling the cops,” said one incredibly decent person (name). “I could hear those dogs in there wailing. But usually made no difference, and some times it made it worse.”

Families tied in knots

Other searches showed entire families of animals that appeared to own each other. Using “register multiple limbs as multiple people” trick, puppies appeared to own their siblings and parents, as well as neighbors.

“It’s a nasty way to control a whole mess of dogs with just a few leashes,” said the investigator. “Make them responsible for each other. It looked like they could feel each others pain. Remember that movie the Corsican Brothers? Of course you don’t. I’m getting old.”

Eyes Gouged Shut

This is definitely gross enough so we’ll just say that many of the mis-registered pets appeared to have intentional injuries to their eyes.

Are they becoming human?

Yeah, that’s nice to think about? The magical chiliwangchanga, that every kid has heard of but nope. That’s BS.* They are dogs and cats, on leashes. Some of them are on quite a few leashes. Quite a few. They have serious problems and need more care than regular pets, not less.

“I think some of the people responsible for this put the word out that these pets were turning into people. They actually fed that line to entire cities and towns who willingly handed their pets over. But no, no way. It’s only on paper that they look like that they look anything like humans.”

They do know quite about about pet ownership though. Especially if they have been registered awhile.

Trick photos

Here are some more very stressed out individuals who probably belong in this story: https://www.nytimes.com/2016/06/11ere /health/gang-stalking-targeted-individuals.html

*Really well crafted BS isn’t it? Isn’t it exactly what you’d wish for?

When I was in high school I drew a picture of my dad, but his head was his dog. So it looked like his dog wearing a business shirt. It got lost, destroyed somehow. So I drew another one. The idea has always stayed with me.