The hard work and efforts of staff to support the University while it undergoes significant change have not gone unnoticed. As a thank you, we are imposing performance measures and a new programme structure on B&L, coming to all soon. We have also agreed to all staff having Christmas Eve as a complimentary day’s (Cratchit) leave, though you’ll have to work Christmas Day to catch up. The University will therefore close on Wednesday 23 December, maybe for good the way things are going.
In addition to the University Staff Christmas Party, the senior management team has also agreed its support for cheap festive staff get-togethers, through relaxing our finance rules. Local budgets can be used to spend up to £20 per person on a team Christmas meal. Don’t worry, a zero percent pay rise will fund that.
We hope these two-fingered gestures of thanks make a difference to everyone. Now get back to work and stop moaning.
Professor Jools Scrooge Dean Morley’s Ghost
Tight-Chancellor Bah humbug Director of Human Suffering