Reader’s verse 2

The following fully transferable song can be sung about any SMT member simply by substituting names au choix (“Wilks, huh,” etc.). It should be enjoyed to the driving rhythms of Edwin Starr’s ‘War’.

Spier, huh, yeah
What is he good for?
Absolutely nothing
Spier, huh, yeah
What is he good for?
Absolutely nothing
Say it again, why’all
Spier, huh, good God
What is he good for?
Absolutely nothing, listen to me
Oh, Spier, I despise
‘Cause he means destruction of innocent careers
Spier means tears to thousands of mothers’ eyes
When their sons go to teach
And lose their jobs
I said, Spier, huh, good God, why’all
What is he good for?
Absolutely nothing, say it again
Spier, whoa Lord
What is he good for?
Absolutely nothing, listen to me
He ain’t nothing but a heart-breaker
(Spier) friend only to the Jobcentre
Oh, Spier he’s an enemy to all mankind
The point of Spier blows my mind
Spier has caused unrest
Within the younger generation
Induction then indebtedness
Who wants…
Spier, huh, etc …

(with acknowledgements and apologies to the late Edwin Starr)

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Reader’s verse

The V-C’s Sofa.
by Muckraker

Steven had an office sofa,
Which he didn’t like,
He called in all his Admin Team,
‘Get it out my sight!’
A brand new one was ordered,
No questions asked on price,
Now he has a new sofa,
Which cost a zillion but looks nice.

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KU Clerihew 9

Stephen Spier
For some reason he’s still here
How does the emperor with no clothes
Remain? Fuck knows

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Kingston tops league table for first time

It’s been the dream (or fantasy) of Spiersy and his shifting management team to climb clear of the bottom of the assorted university league tables, especially the Guardian table, perhaps with a leg-up from the Head of Planning & Chief Dodgy Statistician, Matt Hiely-Remunerated. But reaching the top has been a forlorn hope, until now. Unfortunately the table in question is none of these, nor that of the world’s best (most self-regarding?) institutions; no, it’s the list of the biggest financial deficits in HE.

The Times Higher has published figures that place Kingston ahead of the country with a deficit of 14.2 million pounds, although we slip to fourth place relative to income (-7.1%). These upper echelons are populated with notables such as London Metropolitan and Bolton, home of Bentley-driving, 30%-pay-rise VC, George Holmes, the narcissist of Lincolnshire. Not quite Russell Group territory. Don’t expect to see a trumpet parade on Staffspace over this one.

Back in the days of Peter Scott, which seem an awfully long time ago, Kingston University ran a surplus. Then along came Julius ‘The Rat’ Weinberg who slagged off his predecessor for hoarding too much cash and promptly set about spending it, some on his own salary, a bigger wad on the new Town House. Combined with sinking student applications, the actions of ambitious Ratty, who buggered off while the going was good, has put KU in the red.

Kingston has put up with crap buildings at its main site for years now, so shelling out on something better is no bad thing, provided there are students around to fill it once finished. And all kinds of outfits run deficits without problems, at least for a while. Our position, however, is not too comfortable with falling enrolments and stumbling management. Still, cheer up Spiersy. This is Kingston’s best league table performance since it came second in the bullying vote.

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Dissing Dissenter

A blog such as this will inevitably attract criticisms but surprisingly there have been very few over the four and half years it has existed. Most of the managers it attacks sensibly keep quiet, not so sensibly ignore it, or try to. But recently there have been two specific tirades at us, argumentum ad hominen, one from our unlamented departed head of HR, another from — well, it’s not clear, but possibly from Clarissa Wilks, Nona McDuff, or Annie Hughes, in response to this speech bubbled photograph.

Gratifyingly these attacks on Dissenter help do the job of this blog, which is to show up the management for what it is, a collection of self-aggrandising individuals who range from the incompetent to the bullying, managers who find it impossible to accept any criticism or doubt the policies that have helped place Kingston in this precarious position. While accusing the Blog of trolling (they should look up the definition) and making personal attacks, our critics do the same. We have been accused of — oh the irony — bullying and, weirdly, racism, which apparently stems from the lampooning of Stone’s Essex accent. We know that Simon Stone liked to make a thing of hailing from Essex, but if Essex Man is a distinct race, or if accent is a marker of race, that is news to this Blog and anthropologists everywhere. Stone also claims the Blog’s targets cannot answer. He seems to have managed to.

Other accusations suggest Dissenter is misogynist because of the joke at the expense of the terrible triplets. This assumes of course that Dissenter is male, just as one of our critics assumes retirement age, hatred of Kingston, bitterness and so on. The Blog has a go at anyone who is harming Kingston and its staff, overwhelmingly the managers, male and female. But far from being written in a climate of bitterness, we enjoy poking fun as well as digging hard when necessary; we like writing the jokes and the funny verses, and from the majority of comments here, we think the readership enjoys them too. Unpleasant and incompetent managers have certain distinctive traits; one of the most identifying is a complete lack of humour, another is a narcissistic self regard. Those characteristic are apparent in their responses to Dissenter’s Blog. It’s also worth noting here the high turnover of the SMT, whether leaving through choice or getting the sack. Not the hallmark of an effective management.

The point of the Blog is to amuse the long-suffering staff — and suffer is not an exaggeration for many — and get under the skin of the managers. The few hostile comments from the bosses, or those close to them, emphasise our success. Keep them coming.

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KU Clerihew 8

Simon Morgan Wortham,
Allegedly, was caught without a shirt on;
According to Kingstonuniversityscandals
He was only wearing sandals

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