Dick Royal – Reading fan

Well I saved myself by not bothering with that stupid Derby game so I could give my full attention to what the bleedn’ ‘ell was going on against Wolves.

As I’ve always said Gordon Obita is completely useless. Player of the Year? Idiot of the Week more like.

And Guthrie, plodding great fat northern pillock, just wanted to get himself sent off so he could go back to his retirement.

Anyway nice to watch them flabby Midlands weirdos spitting blood when Glynn Murray stuffed them at the end.

Charlie got told to shut up twice. I shut him up, then one of our mob told him to shut his face too. Best moment of the afternoon. Wolves third goal was never a goal, he said. Dipstick. Even I could see that one.

Anyway Atkins if you still had Alfie Le Fondre he’d have been your man to win it at the end.

Well that’s my expert view. Much better than anyone else’s including all you idiots who don’t know anything about football.

And that includes whoever does the club website. Even dimwit Charlie got the score right.

http://www.player.readingfc.co.uk/latest-news/article/2282550

I told you Glynn Murray was useless.

Super Nicky Blackman was about to pop the ball in the net when Dopey  Murray grabbed the ball and then took the sort of penalty my dumbo boy Charlie could have taken.

They should sent Cox back to Forest Pog back to Russia and Taylor back to the Kindergarten team. All of them were useless and Atkins, as usual shouted a lot and didn’t listen to me.

Hopeless Akpan was more hopeless than normal too. At least we know Michael Anderson can do a job when that useless Aussie goes missing.

On to Derby. Cor blimey, we’re going to get hammered. Useless players, useless manager and useless fans. They’re idiots, always moaning.

I prefer to stay positive, me and back the boys.

URZZZZ

Dimwit Charlie turned up but even that couldn’t spoil a great result.

Brilliant team all the through.

Apart from that idiot Federici coming for a ball he couldn’t reach and that useless Glynn Murray who didn’t do anything. And inconsistent Gordon Obita who ran out of puff after five minutes.

Then there was Blackman who had to fight with everyone else to take the penalty so it looks like he scores goals we we finally get rid of him. And Hopeless Akpan who can’t last a game and Simon Cox who should go back to Forest.

But I’m not one to complain as you know. Wednesday are next for a hammering but they can’t play old Spongebob Drenthe so they might have a chance to beat us.

Keep the faith, stay loyal and listen to me.

URZZZZZ

You lot, the uneducated crowd, just don’t understand how we had to take it easy and not go mad.

I know so much about football I had to tell dimwit Charlie to shut up, cause he thinks he knows as much as me.

Yes, I told Atkins to get Glynn Murray in and didn’t he turn up trumps? Another of my boys, Oliver Morewood looked good too for little git and Chris Grunter is back on form.

Let me tell you now, Gordon Obita will play for England. I should have played for them really but I don’t like to talk about that.

Ian Holloway next. My missus thinks I look like him. But that’s stupid. He’s an ugly git.

Two one to us it’ll be. Mark my words.

Then when Mrs Satsuma is confirmed as our new owner, it’s sambaaaaa time. If you keep reading this you’ll start to know as much as me about football. But I’ll still know more.

URZZZZZZZZ

Alright calm down.

We beat Middlesbrough. Everyone beats Middlesbrough.  If we can beat them with our 12-year-old kids then they ain’t much good.

That Alan Kruhl ain’t bad but he’ll have to stop wearing the Carlos Valderrama haircut if he wants to make it big. And if he has to be replaced by Hopeless Akpan then he hasn’t got there yet.

Chris Grunter’s remembered not to give goals away this week but as for my boy Coxy, he’s back where he belongs and now he’s got Gordon Obita pumping the balls up to him, it’s all going to plan, until we play Derby in the League Cup and get hammered. Can’t be doing with that nonsense. that’s why I missed Scunny. Not important enough for me.

International break now. A little rest before the new owner, whether it’s Mrs Satsuma or Mr Bundesliga, is confirmed and gets our boys fired up for the Prem. Majeski’s got it right for once.

They’ll have to learn better English though. And make sure they know the players’ names properly. Nothing worse than getting that all wrong.

URZZZZZZ

Total total total rubbish.

Get out Atkins. You put that team of half witted kids in and they got thumped proper.

You didn’t do what I told you and them rubbish teenagers had no idea what to do.

It’s not surprising given that they’ve only got you for advice Atkins. And I’ve told you about Grunter.

Jim Karacan could have limped round to better effect than that lot. They all spend too long on their Playstations.

The only good thing was not having that fat lazy Russian. No doubt he’ll be back for another thumping at Scunny on Tuesday. Let’s hope they knock us out.

When them Thais are running this place they won’t stand for none of this Atkins. Majeski won’t even have  say in it. You’ll all be out. Chairman, directors, manager, players, the lot of yer. And the fans aren’t much better. Always bleedn’ moaning.

URRRZZZZZ

Naive to expect the kids to perform consistently.

That’s my expert verdict. The rest of you who don’t know anything about football probably blame the useless defending or that half-wit Atkins.

I grant you, you can always blame him but me I take a more considered view.

GET OUT YOU SCOUSE GIT.

He stands there waving his arms about but he can’t work out that this shower ain’t gonna win nothing.

Huddersfield were getting stuffed every game but they must have thought it was Christmas when they came here. Chris Grunter…Gordon Obita…useless.

Never mind what Tim Dellors goes on about.

As for the Pog, well, you’re just too fat mate.

Anyway on the plus side that dumbo boy of mine Charlie still hasn’t come to a game. The missus has been coming even though she don’t know anything about football. But then none of you do so it’s a good job I’m there.

I got a bit loud after me half time lager but I still didn’t lose my touch. Legend, I am.

I’ve told Atkins to put the old ‘uns in for the Forest game.

Drop the kids and put the old boys – even the injured ones – back in.

But he won’t and we’ll lose. I’ll tell you why tomorrow. Rubbish manager rubbish team. And you lot are all too negative. Get behind them.

URZZZZ

Bit rubbish really weren’t it? But at least Atkins listened to half of what I had to say.

He brought all the kids in but then put them on the bench cause he had no idea who they were.

Jack Taylor gets the winner so he takes him off! Idiot Atkins. Then Bryan Edwards (or Hulio as I call him to entertain everyone) gets a chance and he looked a bit spikey. Why didn’t you bring him on earlier Atkins before my mate, the fake Geordie, got me drunk at half time?

These kids are dynamite and when Jim Karacan’s back we’ll be storming up there.

And another good thing is that dimwit boy of mine, Charlie never turned up yesterday. Sorry if you popped over to give him a slap but I think he got wind of that. I brought the missus instead. She had the hump though. Just sat there moaning while I informed the crowd with my knowledge of the game.

We’ll be going up at this rate so you wanna brighten yourself up girl.

Mind you it’s time we got some of the old guard back.  We won’t win nothing with kids.

URZZZZZ

Alex McCartney ain’t going to be worth much after this one.

Cor blimey, I shouted to Atkins to get him off and then the idiot let a goal in. Still Fedder’s won’t let me down on Saturday.

Good job it was Newport, I used to watch them at Elm Park. That’s what makes me older and cleverer than you, so listen to me on Saturday. I know all about football.

Them Thai blokes were all sat up with Majeski last night. They don’t know anything about football so I’m going to have to teach them lot an’ all.

Well Atkins never listens so I’ll have to tell them so they can tell him. I hope they speak English. Probably make more sense that he does. Ignorant Scouse git.

Talking of dimwits, my boy Charlie will be back at the game on Saturday. Feel free to come over and slap him. He needs a bit of sense punched into him. See you Saturday.

URZZZZZ

Good to be back, helping you all with my knowledge on football.

Now we’ve got Mr Bundesliga from Bangkok and his money we should finally see Atkins learning how to put a team together – with help from me.

Firstly he didn’t quite get it right putting all those kids in yesterday. Jack Taylor’s not with it yet but Coxy’s a flyer. He’ll certainly fly past that useless Russian.

Fedders has finally pushed McCartney out and probably off to the Prem but who needs him? The Aussie boy’s all we need.

But as Tim Dellors said, we were all over them. Players no-one had heard of two years ago – Gordon Obita, Bryan Edwards – are now bossing the Championship. It’s going to be a good season once Jim Karacan’s back.

So all you double-talking fans who don’t know what you’re on about, get behind the team and stop being negative.

That’s unless Sammy Bundesliga turns out to have no money either. Then we’re finished and we’ll have to sell Coxy if anyone will have him now he’s passed it.

And the rest of them won’t get us much. Bleedn’ team of nobodies.

URZZZZ