Song from new musical in which young lecturer escapes the workhouse but finds himself in a den of managers

A man’s got a heart —hasn’t he?

VCs apart, ‘specially me


I’m a manager now, intellectual I ain’t

The ideas I have will make you all faint


I’m reviewing the situation

I’m going to shrink the University

No more entry, nor education

For all those graded lower than a B

I’ll haul us from the low-grade soup

And make them jump a higher hoop

KU will join the Russell Group

Be smaller than a chicken coop

Our NSS results will droop …


I think I’d better think it out again


Tables you can keep, anyway

My pay will go up, anyway

All the staff think I’m bad

On my own it is sad

So how to win friends just as mad —


I’m reviewing the situation

Better look up all the Tories that I know

Moneyed people, with constipation

Full of crap who like to make a show

They will share my attitude

And shower me with gratitude

I will get an OBE

Or better still a KBE

Then all the nobs will turn on me

The Higher Ed will laugh at me …


I think I’d better think it out again





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