A man’s got a heart —hasn’t he?
VCs apart, ‘specially me
I’m a manager now, intellectual I ain’t
The ideas I have will make you all faint
I’m reviewing the situation
I’m going to shrink the University
No more entry, nor education
For all those graded lower than a B
I’ll haul us from the low-grade soup
And make them jump a higher hoop
KU will join the Russell Group
Be smaller than a chicken coop
Our NSS results will droop …
I think I’d better think it out again
Tables you can keep, anyway
My pay will go up, anyway
All the staff think I’m bad
On my own it is sad
So how to win friends just as mad —
I’m reviewing the situation
Better look up all the Tories that I know
Moneyed people, with constipation
Full of crap who like to make a show
They will share my attitude
And shower me with gratitude
I will get an OBE
Or better still a KBE
Then all the nobs will turn on me
The Higher Ed will laugh at me …
I think I’d better think it out again