Dear All
The start of a new academic year, welcome to 14/15! Still here? We’ll see about that!
From the SMT, we say goodbye to Neil Latham, who knocked back a bottle or two of rum at his bash, when as many nautical references, as befits a former Rear (Pain in the Arse) Admiral, as possible were shoehorned into the speeches. His experience was invaluable at Kingston as we are near the river. We say goodbye to Penny Sparke, though she stays on at Kingston (who made that cockup then?)
I was recently at a dinner where the conversation turned to “which three, two word phrases were most likely to anger University staff?”. The best answers offered were “Vice Chancellor”,”Senior Management Team” “Car Parking”, “Student Surveys” and “Open Plan”, so, hoping I stimulate some lively debate, they are the subjects of this newsletter.
Vice Chancellor. I know, I’m a complete bastard aren’t I? Glad I’m getting something right!
SMT. Well can’t blame you there.
Car Parking. Thank you to all who contributed to the Talking Point on StaffSpace last month, I’ve got your number. We have had some very useful feedback which is being carefully analysed (deleted). We need to provide car parking for important people i.e. me. Otherwise we should be encouraging people to use expensive transport or walk long distances. What proportion of salary would people be willing to pay? That’s another good way to cut your pay.
Student Surveys. I received an email from a part of the University that had not done as well as hoped in the recent National Student Survey (NSS) saying they “did not believe” the results. Unfortunately it is not a matter of belief, it is a matter of survival, and that part is in my sights. The NSS is what it is – the methodology is crap, but who cares? – the results for Kingston are consistent and not as good as they should be. The poor results can be explained by problems with the timetabling system, the incompetent and disastrous academic progression – in general, on me. Do I care? Sod off!
This year I want us to focus on killing those courses that perform badly. What we do should be good enough that discussions about stopping courses are off the agenda, or am I going soft? There is no reason why we should not reach 110% overall satisfaction in the NSS at the end of this year (14/15); that means an increase of 225% and stressing staff more than we have ever done before.
There cannot be any excuses; we have to accept my reality – I think the staff are rubbish and dragging the whole University down. We have to ensure that students are treated with courtesy and respect, and that the staff are treated like shit. I do not think Kingston is a University that should be at the tail end of the league table – but what I do is meant to keep it that way. I am naming and shaming you with a table of the NSS performance. Everyone needs to know they are working under threat.
Open Plan. The top floor of River House has been remodelled and we have made it more crowded. The DVCs, University Secretary’s team, project office and support team all share one office chair. I no longer come into work much and no longer have to go through several doors, which I never could figure out how to open. We have meeting rooms so that there is sufficient access for impromptu card games and cordless ‘phones so we do not disturb each other when on calls, but can leave the building, the only way we get any peace.
The University has two resources: space and me. I am told that academics have to have offices, for meeting students, for confidential conversations, to store their books. What do they need books for? I want to challenge thinking and whether we need to do it. If we don’t think about anything or have any books we won’t need any space. The reality is that we use space as a hierarchical reward, so we will start charging for it. We should probably give offices to administrators, not to academics who should be out and about stimulating others (ooerr missus). Open plan does not mean something like a call centre – it does mean working in the car park, where there will be plenty of space when we get rid of all the cars. On my walk-abouts I have seen some terrible use of space – offices full of staff – their occupants a complete waste of space. These will be let out to student entrepreneurs. I already have 10 applications for coffee shop businesses, and 5 for rubbish IT companies, which suits us because we like rubbish IT at Kingston.
I look forward to your comments (you’re not allowed to effing swear).
Yours
Jools