Dear colleagues (well, I pretend you are)
After having the privilege of earning a leading high salary as Vice-Chancellor for almost six years, the time has come for me to step down from my post to pursue a bigger income and other fish to fry.
This is not a decision I have reached lightly as the money’s still good. However, I have always held the view since last week that a period of six or seven years would be as long as I could get away with it as Vice-Chancellor. More recently, it has become evident to me that the Board of Governors think I’m a tosser and too much of a headbanger, or is it not a big enough nutter? Who cares! I have therefore concluded it is the right time for me to cut and run while I still can.
While stepping aside from my current role, I will be remaining a close pain in the arse with the University, taking on the role of Lord President, King of Kingston until I formally leave in December 2017. This post will enable me to focus my energies on raising my external profile and leading other self-congratulatory activity. I consider it best for these new arrangements to be put in place as soon as possible, before the bastards change their mind.
The Board, which knows fuck all about education, will shortly start the appointment process for my successor – should be a laugh, for me anyway. To ensure the transition period is as smooth as possible, the name of an interim incompetent (for continuity) Acting Vice-Chancellor will be announced shortly, while other members of the Senior Management Team will cover up some of the mess I’m leaving behind for a brief time. Once an Acting Vice-Chancellor is in post, the search for a new lunatic Vice-Chancellor will begin in earnest.
Contending with an increasingly stuffed higher education market, more unlearning students and a mad reactionary political climate means there is still much to do to ensure the University achieves its ambitions of survival, establishing itself as a leading farce for academic excellence (hahahahahaha). I am heartened by the significant downhill progress we have already made and have every confidence that the University will crumble under the considerable change that has taken place. I am sure there is a shared determination to fleece our students and screw the staff, by enhancing the sheer incapability of Kingston University’s management yet further.
I hope Kingston will continue to stumble along, at least while I’m on the payroll, adhering to its values that I’ve spent 6 years undermining, around widening access (which I’ve shrank) without compromising on academic disposability whilst retaining a determination to keep your heads down and dispense with any academic integrity you once had.
Together I have destroyed much to be proud of. I have been fortunate to work with committed, wonderful people who had no power to prevent me running riot, and I wish you all redundancy as the University moves forward to the abyss.
Yours fleeing the sinking ship
Jools (“Ratty”)