Up the HR – being an occasional message from the new boss

Oi! You wiv the ’air on. Pay attenshun, oi’m talkin’ ter you.

Soimon ’ere, butchoo can call me The Guvner. Oi woz wanderin’ rahnd River ’ahse the ovver day when oi bumps inta the top man (though that’s really me naawadays).
Oi sez to him “Awight my son”, an’ he sez ‘Yeah good Simon, I’m good’ (’e talks a bit posh yer know). Then he goes “Now look here Simon, are you sure about all this management observation and extended probation? After all, you don’t have much education experience”, he sez in ’is posh voice.

So I goes “Leave it aht squire. Course I got bleedin’ edukashun experience, oi’ve bin ’ere moreana year ern oi. Anyways, them shower of teachin’ ponces ain’t gonna do fahk all. They always roll over.”

“Well, I suppose you know best Simon,” ’e sez. “Too bleedin’ roight oi do,” I sez, and ’e goes off on ’is way. Werl, on ’is salary ’e don’t give a shit.

Anyways, oi cant keep talkin’ to you rabble all dai. S’nearly lunchtime ain’t it. Time for a few Stellas dahn the booza.


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16 Responses to Up the HR – being an occasional message from the new boss

  1. Near By Jim says:

    Long Gone John, if KU behaved well, there would be no assaults on their staff. And if you want facts published, then KU would know who leaked them (eg., emails, documents etc).

    I had a quick look at the Inkytext website, it’s not easy to find information on there but thanks for sharing.

    Nice little poem there in the comments about the odious HR rat David Walsh. Dissenter don’t let the comments go to waste, put the poem up in it’s own lovely thread

    • Dissenter says:

      Thanks for your support NBJ.

      Inkytext is a different kind of blog, lengthy news and dare I say a trifle dull? Dissenters Blog will continue in its pithier vein.

    • Near By Jim says:

      I found the Inkytext blog difficult to navigate and find info. Your blog is much easier to follow. And dare i be controversial, you are right to call out poor staff! If KU staff behaved properly, there would be no blog – simple. KU also has lost at tribunals, maybe that is something worth reporting on. I personally know people who have been hounded out of a job for no good reason.

      This Pro Vice Chancellor, Prof. Peter Buse. What does he actually do? Does he do his job? He is a complete waster who does not or is not able to fulfill his job role. Bad leadership breeds abuse!

      And i love the poems! More! More!

  2. Long Gone John says:

    To be effective, dissent needs to maintain its dignity and where possible not wilfully assault the dignity of its targets; dissent also benefits from the clearest possible statement of the facts.
    Too often, dissenter stoops well below the dignified, and it can hardly be called a journal of record.
    If you want to see how its done, take a look at the inkytext archive http://www.maths.lancs.ac.uk/~rowlings/Inkytext/, and take a lesson.

    • Dissenter says:

      Thanks for your comment, even if it is a little pompous. A journal of record? No. This blog can only publish the thoughts of its contributors, some of which are satirical in the long tradition of this country. Yes it sends up the management and this may offend some. But the offense caused by this blog is nugatory compared to that the management’s impact on staff well being – and dignity.

      Still, you’re reading the blog so you are clearly interested.

  3. Simon Stone says:

    Is Kingston HR like all HR departments?

    I also have a poem about one of Simon’s little HR minions. If you like it please use it!:

    David Walsh of HR,
    Corrupt like a pirate! Arr! Arr!
    He breaks procedure and policy,
    Like a giant toddler who goes pee pee,
    All over your head.
    Working for Kingston,
    You’d wish you were dead.

  4. Marty says:

    I hate bullies, especially in positions of authority but your tag is ‘A blog that highlights aggressive management at Kingston and other UK universities’ yet all I see is aggressive trolling and no facts? sounds like you are part of the establishment with an axe to grind if its true lets see it.

    • Dissenter says:

      Presumably, then, you hate the management of KU, notorious for their bullying of staff. But are you actually an employee of Kingston? A member of the management? You might like to read the comments more closely; you will see the majority are supportive. As for evidence, look around you. Unless of course you are really a troll yourself.

      No justification is needed for satirising a consultant parachuted into a position for which he is ill suited and is using to damage the University and abuse the academic staff.

  5. Marty says:

    Dissenter your reply stating that ‘Judging by comments received, this blog cheers up a lot of the staff’ must be fake news again, I can’t see any of the replies here saying that?

  6. Marty says:

    Cant wait for your Caribbean posts! This sort of stereotyping should have died out with Bernard Manning and Chubby Brown! you should be ashamed of yourself.

  7. Al Kimos says:

    Careful you will be accused of being racist!

  8. Stuart says:

    Simon is falling foul of university policy as he is parking his car at Hind Court despite the parking policy there being very clear – NO PARKING FOR CONTRACTORS.

  9. Write if what you have to say is worth hearing says:

    “A blog that highlights aggressive management at Kingston” through aggressive undermining. Ever wonder if your blog results in reduced staff engagement thus ensuring dissatisfaction, anxiety and distrust which may perpetuate decline and in time closure? We are the master’s of our collective destiny to some extent. Ps, mocking a regional accent isn’t actually cool. Twits.

    • Dissenter says:

      Judging by comments received, this blog cheers up a lot of the staff. As for its adverse impact on the University, we refer you to Peter Cook’s remarks on the effect of satire. Compared with the management’s effect, Dissenter’s Blog’s is negligible.

      This blog satirises management not because it’s cool but because it’s funny, and makes pertinent observations.

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