Wanted. Replacement for Essex boy

Located in a lot of crumby dirty buildings, Kingston University is a decaying sweatshop institution. Ranked amongst the top 2000 youngest (not very good) universities in the world by the Times Higher Education, it brings a truly (honestly) global outlook to higher education, failing a hapless student community from over 140 countries across 4 main campuses. Under the hopeless leadership of its new (pretty old now) Vice-Chancellor, ‘Professor’ Steven Spier, the university has been manipulated up one or two UK League Table Ranking and is now falling over itself to bullshit about transformational vision and other assorted mealy-mouthed crap to kid anyone gullible enough  that it could be amongst the very best modern universities worldwide.

In delivering the above, the university is now seeking to recruit an exceptional arse of as Director of HR & OD to replace the old lunatic. To achieve transformational change, it recognises that a one university culture is key, so the applicant must be able to count at least up to two. The new postholder will therefore take strategic accountability for scoping a new approach to leadership, management and engagement — that is, bullshit endlessly while screwing the staff into the ground. Operating as a key lackey to the University Executive Team s/he will write the sort of drivel that has gone into this pathetic job ad.

With significant HR & OD bullying experience gained in a large, complex, people-fucking-up organisation, the successful candidate will possess a proven track record of pursuing creative strategies that deliver higher salaries to management while impoverishing academic and support staff. A non-thinker, with a well-developed sense of best practice for undermining the institution, s/he will have a genuine commitment to the mission of the University – ‘to get the staff to work harder and harder for less and less while fearing all the while for their jobs and livelihoods. The Vice-Chancellor says ‘blibble bobble bibble.’

This is a stimulating time to join a university that is passionate about the power of management and its ability to destroy the lives of its staff, and bugger the students. This is a superb prospect for an exceptional careerist to replace the previous disasters in the job, and to join the senior management team of a truly (honestly) ambitious institution that is committed to feathering the bosses’ ample nests.

We particularly encourage applications from Essex boys and girls who are under-represented at Kingston. For further information, including details of how to apply, please visit www.todgers.com/68439

Closing date: Until we find someone deranged enough.

Kingston University is committed to equality and we value the diversity of our staff and students provided they take an annual pay cut.


This entry was posted in General. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Wanted. Replacement for Essex boy

  1. Garmon Awfulshirts says:

    That made me laugh. I forgive your censorship of my criticising your bullshit about ‘confronting’ clipboard people at the back of a science lab. Didn’t happen, did it? Keep up the factual work.

  2. I hate Simon Stone says:

    Any info on David Walsh’s departure? A boot licker of Simon Stone’s, and still boot licking him on LinkedIn! Also unemployed since leaving Kingston, which is very interesting!!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.